If memories leave, where do they go and what is left?

Part 1:

My dad had a stroke last December. It was mild and he wasn’t paralyzed but his memory and the coordination of his thoughts and words were the ones affected. It was a struggle for u especially for me because I am the one who needs to work for my family. And note that I haven’t even graduated yet.

I’ve been catching family problems since high school. When my dad had stroke, that was the time that I asked my family to give me space. Because I was always the responsible one. They can never take away their trust for me because it’s just the way it is and I’ve build a good image on their eyes. So there I was at that time finding myself… soul searching ang wandering with life in what the hell do I really want to do. Cause that’s the problem, I don’t dream for me and I am used to dream for other people’s happiness especially my family. At that time I was at the peak of really enjoying myself and finally having a direction.. I WAS HAVING FUN FOR MYSELF.

But things happened and I really had no choice but to go back in catching problems. It’s not that I don’t want to but I need to… and I can never ever hesitate when it comes to my family. It was a struggle for me cause my dad can’t work anymore. He can’t go back to his work just like the way he did.

He was this arrogant, liar, pathetic, envious parent that I am always pissed at. He was hard headed and a pain in the ass for everyone. He wants the authority. He wants to feel and let people know how talented and smart he is but he wasn’t that smart. He was just great with people and conversations that’s why it looked like it. He even tells lies just to cover his small incident.

But right after whar happened, he was not himself at all. I mean, I never liked his attitude but it defines who he is. I miss how talkative he was and everything else. I wasn’t sure if he’s ok or not.

But he is still having problems in how he communicates. It may seem to look like he wasn’t affected at all but if you knew him like I did… there’s a hole inside of him that is missing and I miss it. He speaks correctly the words but never mean what he is really trying to say.

Now, he is having memory loss. It’s not too much to a point that he can’t remember us but he can’t remember situations and sometimes conversations.

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6 thoughts on “If memories leave, where do they go and what is left?

  1. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you don’t misunderstand, even if it was a small one, he lost a part of himself and maybe he doesn’t realize that but you do, it seems to me you are grieving on his behalf. It is difficult, since you have shouldered so much burden, but try not to forget the real you within the responsible trust-worthy daughter…she is equally if not more important than taking care of your father…because how can you care for them if you can’t care for your self.

    • Just what I needed. Thank you! I guess my head is fighting against itself on what to think, what to feel and what to do. I think the biggest part of this is that I love him so and that thought can never make me let him go on this fight alone.

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