I’m back to my 50 % straight self. Yes, gay that is.

Just so everyone knows, I’d like to announce that I am bisexual. I like boys and at the same time I like girls too. The things is… I don’t like it. I want to be straight – it’s a looooong story.

So it has been almost 2 years since my last relationship (a girl) and ever since then, love life isn’t my priority. For that time, I felt that I am 90% already. Ha! Ha! I had real guy crushes but had unavoidable girl crush last year. I got over it – yes, the girl part. It was just a phase and I am back to really liking guys as in like “like”.

Last saturday, I went home 70-80% straight. Is it weird that I measure my straightness? Lol! So what, who cares? Hahaha! What happened? – that’s the question. 

Incident #1: I was kissed by a friend (girl). Well, not lips to lips… just on the cheek. I felt weird about it because it was just out of the blue. We were not saying hello or goodbye. We were having a light and fun conversation. I was joking around because I waited for her for 3 hours.  She was saying sorry and suddenly kissed me. I acted like nothing happenee and continued fooling around.

Incident #2: While we were waiting for the train, still having that light conversation and fun fooling around, she tried to hold my hand – as in the one with interlocking fingers. It didn’t last long cause I was really distracted. I think I looked at our hands and she felt conscious or shy about it?

I don’t know. Right now, I am really confused because I was having this super duper tiny crush on her and I like that we were getting close. I got really confused on what she did because I know she is straight… though I sensed it the first time we met (I don’t have a crush on her at then) that she has tedencies and my gay and lesbian friends said that themselves too.

I was aking myself the questions like Are there girls that are just too clingy, touchy, and expressive to that extent? Do some girls really kiss other girls on the cheek for no reason or as a regular expression and without intention?  And if she knows that I am bisexual, shy whould she do that? Does she know that maybe I would think of it differently?

Seriously guys, if you have answers to my questions, please feel free to do so cause I can’t stop thinking about her since that day. I don’t want to expect anything and seriously, I am really avoiding myself to like girls. So there, I am almost going back to my 50 % straight self.

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18 thoughts on “I’m back to my 50 % straight self. Yes, gay that is.

  1. secret to you only i will delete this comment after you read this i used to love love love my eighth class best friend and i am bisexual most probably just read it fast šŸ˜› im so dead hehe if someone reads this i am still not over him :'(i am not ready to come out yet and people from my class follow me šŸ˜„

  2. I dont know why i connect to you so much i think its creepy to talk to people online but you are just soooo good .Sorry if you hate me šŸ˜„

  3. Well here I am just now following your blog and I’m already commenting on stuff! Oh well. šŸ™‚ I am just one person with one experience and I am not saying your friend is like me. But I am a straight woman/girl (that awkward transition age) who has a steady boyfriend, and who sometimes is so overwhelmed by love for her girl friends that she gives them spastic cheek kisses and hugs. Sometimes my best friend Autumn and I cuddle haha. I guess it just depends, but your friend might be the same way.

    • You’re such a kill joy! Haha. Just kidding. Maybe it’s just me you know. Maybe I wanted something more and just never entertained the thought of it because I was avoiding it.

      • That’s what they call me šŸ™‚

        She has some sort of feelings for you either way… Your gut feeling is probably right. I’m sure there’s potential for you to take your relationship there.. It’s just whether you want to go there or not. If she’s straight and you are trying to stick to guys than that sounds like it could be a complicated and bumpy road that could hurt your friendship in the long run.

        Just an outsider’s opinion who knows nothing about the situation really haha šŸ™‚

  4. Well, I know many straight girls who love to kiss their straight girl friends on their cheeks. It is actually a normal act of greeting and farewell in Turkey, and I guess it is the same in Greece, Italy, Spain, France,… The people there have less fear of physical contact, no matter what gender. Even straight guys give each other kisses on the cheeks. I do that with my turkish friends as well when greeting them. I also tend to kiss my female friends on the cheeks when I want to say sorry or thank you for example. Maybe your friend wanted to say sorry. Normally, I hug my friends here in Germany when greeting or saying goodbye, because not everyone is used to kisses on the cheek. So I guess you have to ask whether your friend does the kissing with her other girl friends as well. And the holding hands can be quite normal I think. I often do that with my cousin or my other friends when walking around the streets. A guy in my class always thought that me and my female friend were lesbians, because we always gave each other kisses on the cheeks without any reason. I have also kissed some of my female friends on the lips but it was just for fun while drunk and celebrating šŸ˜€ But we all are straight, and some of us even have boyfriends. I have a different view on kisses in the meantime. I think kisses are a sign of tenderness and no matter who you kiss, whether it is you lover, your friend, or a stranger, you can feel the human nature by that. You can say “I like you, and I like kissing you”, or you can say “I want to have sex with you”. It is different I guess. And maybe your friend just wanted to treat you normal as a friend by kissing you, telling you that she doesn’t care if you are gay, straight or bi. Maybe she just wanted to show you that she is still your friend, no matter what. You have to figure out if she had gay preferences in the past. It can also be that she surpresses it. Then you should maybe ask her that she can talk with you about sexuality since you are tolerant about that subject šŸ™‚

    • I think it made me confuse cause I don’t know anyone expressing themselves like that here in the Philippines, straight or bi’s. Well, I agree with the holding hands and it’s very much common here also. I was just really shocked on the “kiss on the cheek” part. And I don’t think I can ask her about it. What if she doesn’t want me that way? I might freak her out and might ruin our friendship. šŸ˜¦

      • Maybe you shouldn’t directly talk about your own feelings, but first about your friend’s. You could ask her maybe if she wants to talk about sexuality, she can always ask you for advice. You should first approach her as a friend, and if you know more about her sexuality, you could say that you were a bit confused about that kiss. Maybe you two will be able to find out more about your feelings šŸ™‚

  5. I’d like to say I admire your honesty about your feelings towards genders. Though being on here does help lol. I have nothing against anyone who is not what people call “straight”. People are who they want to be and you are you and I am me. I am not bisexual or gay but I would like to say that she may just be sexually curious which can be dangerous for you both. I don’t want to see you get your feelings hurt so be careful. All I can suggest is trying to find out in a subtle way if she has feelings for you other than friends. If you just be blunt about if she may freak out on you.
    I wish you the best in finding who ever you find, wether that person is her or someone else. Don’t get hurt…

    • Thanks! I get your point. One of my lesbian friends told me that straight girls are dangerous. Haha! I think you both have the same point and I really don’t want to expect anything from her. Maybe because I had similar experience before. My ex girlfriend was straight and fell for me. I was confused about her actions towards me (but no kisses at all) and it made think for months.

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