When Normal Isn’t Right And Right Isn’t Normal

RIGHT. adj. being in accordance to what is just, good or proper.

NORMAL. adj. 1) according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule or principle 2) conforming to a type, standard or pattern.

Nowadays, people misconstrue the meaning of RIGHT with NORMAL. When people reason out things by saying that it’s normal, that doesn’t mean it’s right. How can you say that a man having an affair with another woman is just normal when if it’s the other way around, people will just take it the hard way? How can Filipinos stubbornly pee on walls on the street and they actually care less because it’s just normal? And why do these people getaway with it just because they say it’s normal?

Normal isn’t always right. Does right have a different meaning today compared to the 19th century? I think it’s still the same. When it’s right, it’s right. When it’s wrong, DUDE.. GROW UP.

***I got this from my old blog. This is one of my favorite entries and I can’t resist sharing this here.

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A Morning Prayer

“You’re a familiar place, a steady state of mind, in silence. Lead me down to the unspoken, breathless and with my heart broken. See through me in the absence of you see. Hide what isn’t me in the presence of your ability. Amen.”

I thought I was writing a poem or a song but then I ended up doing a prayer. It seems like He’s my greatest inspiration of all. I have never felt loved the way he did. I have never felt that feeling of being special and important than I know in my heart that even I am a little of value, He needs me more than I (being only human) can ever need Him.

I don’t know what my purpose in life is but I love living it just because somebody loves me. And I can’t ever help myself to feel that feeling being found and can never ever be lost again. I feel safe and secure as if I can never be hurt and if I do, I wouldn’t be left alone. I would have arms around me and I could lie next to Him feeling better no matter what. I don’t (as in never would) want to hurt anybody because somebody would never ever want to quit on me.

The way He believes in my heart, I can’t ever explain but my heart is pure and I can never want to resist good because He is good. Good enough for me to be good for somebody too.

Open Wound

I like being moved. I think I don’t have a reason for it but I like it. I like being moved by stories, scenes from movies and/or series, music, and people.

It’s funny because this started about 2 years ago when I think a lost a big part of me over and over. I felt my worst and there is a big hole in my chest too hard to cover up. I felt pain deeply and I was an open wound since then. I don’t cry watching movies but I started to. Every scene I watch, I felt what it felt like for the characters. It’s not on if-you’re-on-their-shoes kinda thing. It was effortless for me and I don’t need to imagine the past for me to feel the pain they felt. Like songs, not the usual of relating to the lyrics but the sometimes I feel the giggles and sometimes the sadness of the music. I was easily moved like my open wound slightly touched by air. It hurts even for a bit. Still, it hurts.

I’m not emo or anything. I’ve learned this the hard way and I’m pretty sure I didn’t take the the short cuts. But I’ve learned to live with pain because we don’t really have a choice somehow. We will encounter it dozens of times in our lives. We don’t need to skip the parts where it hurts. Because if we do, we are denying nature and its process. We won’t stop hurting if we can’t start learning. And we can’t do it on our own.

Feelings are a b*tch. We can’t be selfish enough to open our wounds to somebody else’. If we do, what is there to live for? I’ve learned pain and still doesn’t let me go. It gets lighter each day but it’s still there. I don’t know when will it stop but I know it will.

All of us hurt. Some hurt worse.

I was deeply moved by an episode on Vampire Diaries’ Season 4. A part where they are in the process of lettinh go of the past.

Damon: So what? For how long? A minute? A day? What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing that you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. And a rock. With a birthday carved into it that I’m pretty sure is wrong.

I was moved by the scene. He’s drunk and at the cemetery talking to his dead bestfriend. The pain that consumes him keeping too realistic enough not to grief. It’s hard and I know some had been in the process. I did cry.

I wasn’t a fan of the series and now I am one. Not fond of the hot guys there but the cinematography and most especially the story line. It made me reflect on pain.

Talking To Strangers

I am that person who talks to random strangers I meet in my every day — sales ladies, another customer of the store I am in and cab drivers most especially. I don’t do small talks. I don’t believe in such. I talk to them because I wanted to talk to them and not just because I need to. If I ask them about how their day was, I am interested to know about it — not fake it.

I talk to strangers especially cab drivers. I spend at least a quarter of my day with them and at least an eighth of their day with me. Might as well, waste it right? I just love the fact that I have someone to talk to. I go to different places a day, back and fort, and I can’t keep thinking about work during my travel time. I guess it’s the same thing to them. Probably, a bit more boring than mine because they spend their time on the road more like (well, really) a responsibility and not for leisure.

Talking. It’s a release of whatever emotions or just anything you have inside you. Like for me, if I keep thinking of my to-do list during my me-time, I would blow up like a nuclear bomb. So, I talk to people. Random ones.

Friends can’t always be there physically for you. We all have our own whereabouts and we can’t commit to everything at the same time.

Having a conversation to a lot of strangers are really healthy. Well at least, for me. Talking to them is like having an unlimited access to a wide range of experiences, opinions and advice. You ought to learn different perspectives on life, family, friends, love, work, school, music and a whole lot more.

It’s not just really about the talking but also the listening part. Isn’t nice to know that someone listens to small things that happened to you during your day? The greatest part is, this conversation happens in both ways — in full attention or not, you gained a new thought, noticed a different point of view and learned a new dimension in some itsy bitsy parts of life.

Attack?

Here it is again. It’s like an attack but it doesn’t hurt me. I don’t know exactly how it feels but it’s pushing me towards it and something tells me that I would love to stay there. There. That place without obligations, only to self – to be happy.

Am I missing something? It’s just that I know that what I’m doing is right. And I know I must do what I do –not what I want most –but obligations to family. Somebody needs to take care of them. I’m not saying this like I don’t have a choice. I love them and I’ll do everything for them. If they need me, I wouldn’t think twice to be there for them.

I’m handling our music school now. I’ve accepted to handle a dozen classes and students for home services in different places… Yes, I kinda think I am superwoman and it would be a miracle to accomodate all of them but I need to. I want to. I don’t no one could ever stop me because all I wanted for my family is to be stable financially and not worry if we can eat next week. It’s just that I’m done relying to my parents because I was frustrated more than I can think of. Long story.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate my job but it’s not what I want most. I’m not actually sure about what I want most. I haven’t given time for my dreams yet. I don’t even know what my dreams are yet. It was always for them. I dream for them and I am not used to thinking about me.

I like music. I like playing and singing. I like writing songs. I think I am good at it — not sure yet. Ugh. I’m not sure. It’s always like that and I can’t be sure until I give it time to discover, learn, be better at it and share it to people. I think I know what I want but I’m just not sure yet.

This thought takes my mind off my work. I am supposed to write arrangements and pieces for my students (I had a week to do that!) but I  crammed. You know what I did? I wrote songs and place every effort to finish it. In one week, I made 3 songs. Mmm.

Selfish thought: I wish I can just skip until I get to the part where all I do is make music and perform my heart out to people. But I know I couldn’t and I wouldn’t anyway cause that would be cheating and I don’t want to cheat on life. I wouldn’t feel what I need to feel. I wouldn’t think what I need to think. learn what I need to learn. I wouldn’t realize what I need to realize. I wouldn’t grow like how I am supposed to grow.

Curious of what I sound like? Here: Listen to me on SoundCloud! 🙂

Find Me (Original Composition)

Hold on
That’s what you said
When we almost broke up
The 3rd time around

Hang on
Just a little tighter
Said my friends who cared
More than I think I did

Who knows what I’m capable of?
If you do me wrong, I might just let you go

I’ll trade you for someone weaker And better all at the same time
And I’ll sleep on some other’s bed tonight
And I’ll hug him so tight

But if I do all those things,
Will you find me?
Will you find me tomorrow?

Every Anger Must Have An Expiration Date.

I don’t know if you have noticed but anger kills us. It cuts us deep just enough to tear us apart and break us down. Why do we notice more negative things than the positive ones? Is it because positive ones are almost like given everyday and it’s simply normal? Is it because when negative things happens, we are hurt and that hurt can ruin our whole day? But isn’t it our discretion to either feel nor reject those things?

Anger must have an expiration date. Have you ever imagined yourself being angry to someone for so long… forever? Your whole life? You’re better than that. What’s the use of being angry that long? What would it do to you? Will that person suffer that much if you’re angry? Would that suffering of the person give you joy in ways you can’t imagine? Useless.

Anger is a feeling. And what are feelings for? It’s a proof that we are human. Feelings are the stimulus of our actions especially in our relationships.Yes, anger, we need to feel it when we are fucked up by life. And so as happiness and love, all are feelings we need to feel in order to maintain balance. If we can’t experience anger, pain and loneliness, how will we know that happiness is one of the greatest feelings in life? 

I’m not saying that being angry is a mistake but being angry for a long period of time is. We have choices to be made for ourselves. If we decide to be angry at a person for months, will it please you? No. You bring it with you wherever you go. It’s a negative aura and it will always be written in your face and in your actions. It’s a chain reaction to you like if you’re angry, you are pissed — not just with someone but with things that you shouldn’t be pissed with, when you’re pissed, you don’t wanna go out and hang out with friends because you’re too busy hating the world. I am exaggerating but who knows, right?

Give an expiration date on all negative feelings you have. Let go of pain, anger, loneliness, suffering and forgive. Wherever you go, bring peace, love and happiness with you. You might be able to gain it back… doubled if I may add. It won’t hurt to be happy.