I can’t. I just can’t. All these FATHER’S DAY greetings — cheesiness all over facebook all thanking their fathers for being selfless, hardworking, an inspiration and everything. I can’t take it. It’s hard for me to even greet my dad. Ugh. Same with my mom on mother’s day.
Hay… 😦 Am I bad person if I don’t feel like greeting them at all? No. I am not thankful. But no, I am. I know I am. I know some parts of me still thinks so. But they aren’t my inspiration. It’s been years now and I try hard enough not to be like them.
Because I wanna be great. I want to be a better person than them. I want to be the right decision they didn’t take. I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did. No, I don’t like how unsecure I feel because I am the one who worries about what are we going to eat tomorrow. No, I don’t like to be too dependent on my children when I become a mom in the future. NO. I want to be a good one — an inspiration, a good example, a bad-ass in my career which I can make money enough not to worry about tomorrow.
So I just can’t. I can’t thank them now because there’s nothing to be thankful for. I am not a bitch I promise. I am just too tired living an inverted life — me being the parent and them being my children.
I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for them. I know I am thankful for them. But I can’t fake what I feel. I am just too hurt and sometimes… no all the time I mean. I want to feel like a daughter. I want to have an allowance everyday. I want to be pampered with gadgets and all that shizz. No I don’t want to buy our ref, washing machine, etc.
So I am sorry mom and dad but I love you and you know that and I can’t talk to you and be open anymore because you’re too childish on how you react and you make me feel that you don’t want to understand. I just want us to be stable. I want to build my own dreams now. I am turning 25 and I want to go back to school and finish it. I want to make time for my dreams and my career. I want to build a relationship and have my own family. But I can’t because you are holding me back. I know people would say that I have a choice to let this go but I am choosing not to because I love you. Please make me a daughter and that’s who I am but I don’t feel like it. 😦