Make Me A Daughter

I can’t. I just can’t. All these FATHER’S DAY greetings — cheesiness all over facebook all thanking their fathers for being selfless, hardworking, an inspiration and everything. I can’t take it. It’s hard for me to even greet my dad. Ugh. Same with my mom on mother’s day.

Hay… 😦 Am I bad person if I don’t feel like greeting them at all? No. I am not thankful. But no, I am. I know I am. I know some parts of me still thinks so. But they aren’t my inspiration. It’s been years now and I try hard enough not to be like them.

Because I wanna be great. I want to be a better person than them. I want to be the right decision they didn’t take. I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did. No, I don’t like how unsecure I feel because I am the one who worries about what are we going to eat tomorrow. No, I don’t like to be too dependent on my children when I become a mom in the future. NO. I want to be a good one — an inspiration, a good example, a bad-ass in my career which I can make money enough not to worry about tomorrow.

So I just can’t. I can’t thank them now because there’s nothing to be thankful for. I am not a bitch I promise. I am just too tired living an inverted life — me being the parent and them being my children.

I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for them. I know I am thankful for them. But I can’t fake what I feel. I am just too hurt and sometimes… no all the time I mean. I want to feel like a daughter. I want to have an allowance everyday. I want to be pampered with gadgets and all that shizz. No I don’t want to buy our ref, washing machine, etc.

So I am sorry mom and dad but I love you and you know that and I can’t talk to you and be open anymore because you’re too childish on how you react and you make me feel that you don’t want to understand. I just want us to be stable. I want to build my own dreams now. I am turning 25 and I want to go back to school and finish it. I want to make time for my dreams and my career. I want to build a relationship and have my own family. But I can’t because you are holding me back. I know people would say that I have a choice to let this go but I am choosing not to because I love you. Please make me a daughter and that’s who I am but I don’t feel like it. 😦

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13 thoughts on “Make Me A Daughter

  1. I totally stand by you, but same time I need to thank my parents for making me who I am. But it’s no obligation, it’s an individual choice. It does not make you right or wrong, good or bad.

    • Yes, I think so too. I keep on trying my best to think more of what they did good to me than our situation right. I don’t want to look at them one sidedly.

  2. Hey there! I don’t know how that must feel being the parent and the daughter but I hope you find your way out. And always keep your spirits high and faith strong!

  3. HI.. Thanks for visiting my little blog That (my last post) was about my Dad.. (whom I never really knew)
    Our parents.. sometimes.. aren’t the parents we would like to have chosen..
    But.. sometimes.. our children aren’t the children we would have chosen either.
    You’ve composed a very open and honest post.. (perhaps they should read it)
    It’s not an easy situation you’re in.
    I do wish you the very best in finding the best path to take.. and starting to live your own life.
    Blessings…

  4. Hi Maphnie, this is truly an honest message by a daughter.. We may not know exactly how you feel, but we know it’s a hard one.. May time comes that everything will be okay with you and your family. Never give up. Kaya mo yan! Remember, changes do take time. And it’s a process.. Be strong and have fatih. Always πŸ™‚

    • Yes it is. I think it would be really hard to write if one is holding back. Thank you so much! Praying hard everyday for patience and understanding. Sana nga. Bawal magshortcut! hehe πŸ˜› Thanks ulit Kipyang!

      • “. ..Praying hard everyday for patience and understanding.”
        – Yes, my dear.. Prayers are indeed powerful. Always pray. Always think of Him πŸ™‚
        Oo, bawal magshortcut..Haha.. Have a good Sunday, Maphnie dear!

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