Miss Independent

“I’ve just been swimming in the same pool for too long. There are new seas out there that I have to go conquer.” – Cat Grant, Supergirl Season 2

Oh, how I wish I have a Cat Grant in my life — to find meaning, purpose and direction in my life. I guess the universe didn’t give me one because the world knows that “I am a strong independent woman.” repeat to self 100x.

But to be honest, most of the independent people are probably looking for someone to depend on just like others depend on them. Well, at least, that applies to me. The problem may be because we have higher standards and may be we’re searching for somebody like us or even better than us. And it’s hard. It’s hard and it feels lonely. 

When you try to give everyone what you can and even if you can’t, you try and try until it breaks you and until you can, you never receive the same amount of effort that you give to them. Sucks. Am I in the wrong place? Am I stuck somewhere where I shouldn’t be?

Because in my head and in my heart, I know that I would be better if I leave the people around me that (I feel) has been dragging me down and pulling me back. I know to myself that things would be easier and I would achieve a lot. But my conscience sticks with them. You know why? Cause how can I do that if it’s my family we’re talking about? If they are the ones pulling you down, how can you leave? If you have all the right reasons to leave and one reason to stay? And that being your family.

It sucks to be strong sometimes.