Music Hits Us

I was browsing through my Facebook feed a while a go and saw an old video of John Mayer’s live acoustic performance of “Your Body is a Wonderland”. Nothing much to expect. It was just a random old song released when I was in high school – but it left me feeling comfort. It was  a nice feeling that I haven’t felt for a while now.

Your Body is a Wonderland (Acoustic Live Performance) by John Mayer

It left me realizing and pondering on a few things.

First, most of us like the songs better when we were younger. It’s not that music nowadays are less appealing to the ears but it’s probably because we linger to our innocent and less stressful stage – hence, our youth and/or childhood. When we listen to the old songs, consciously and unconsciously, we are probably reminded of how things were easier and carefree.

Second made me ponder how music is related to a person’s growth. Notice that every album of an artist or band slightly changes every new release. When you compare the 1st and the 5th album, sometimes it’s hard to tell that they are the same artist or band. Just like John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland from his album Room for Squares (which is my favorite album by the way lol), sounds totally different from his latest release entitled New Light. Artists and bands adapt to the evolution of music which is clinging to techno most of the time. Paramore does not sound rock anymore, right?

This made me think how I (most of the time) love only the first 2 albums of a band. This also made me compare it to people. Do we only like them when we first met them? Do we only like a few months of them? Once they grow into a whole new character, do we grow into loving them?

Little things and little thoughts made me post again. It feels nice to write here again as if I am on my way back to where I started. Hope you can join me here as I try to be back on track this year! Happy new year, everyone! We’ll make this year ours! 🙂

This World Needs Healing

Ok, maybe not that rich or not even rich. Maybe having enough is fine with me. Enough meaning we can pay our bills on time without killing ourselves on work, having our own house, having our own car, having a stable business & career, having emergency funds and savings.

So when I reach that point in my life (and I will), I want to do the following things:

1. TEACH STREET CHILDREN FOR FREE. I’ll coordinate with barangay chairmans & different churches. I’ll get my musician friends to help me teach and we’ll get sponsors. It would be a great opportunity for them to appreciate music and for them to be far away from drugs and other violence on the streets.

2. Buy a lot of rain coats and during rainy season, go around the streets and give it away to people who needs them. We’ve been to a stage where we almost lost our hope but people (especially our friends — yes, more than our family) helped us and I couldn’t express how thankful I am for them. So I promised myself that I will never their help for granted and do the same thing to others. Manila streets are not ready for a rainy season. Even those with houses are not prepared. Beggars don’t have any shelter. They use cardboards so that they won’t get wet. At least with raincoats, they are somehow protected.

3. Go to the HOME FOR THE AGED regularly — tell stories, sing and perform with them, play majong and cards and many more. I love older people but sometimes I feel that some children don’t show their appreciation that much to them. They have a few years to live and I want to give them good memories. It hurts me to see them lonely, unappreciated and unwanted.

These are my TOP 3. I know in time I’ll have a longer list. I hope I can have the chance to do these things especially while I am still young. 

I know papa God will guide me in this life. I won’t make money be my hindrance in doing these things. I will work hard so that my family could have enough. When we have enough, it would be our time to give back.

This world needs healing. Soon everything will set in to place.

Let’s Paint the World with a Smile

I’ve been crying a lot tonight. It started when was watching the Korean drama entitled “doctors”. A a scene on the 2nd episode triggered me to miss my grandparents (grandmoms to be exact cause I never had the chance to bond with my grandpas). The lead actress got the highest score in math and she was telling the good news to her grandma. They were both happy with the news and her grandma was so proud of her.

I remember how my grandmas (even my dad), who have passed away, giving me those smiles when they are happy. Older people have that certain smile that makes me feel that maybe it’s because of how appreciative they are. They notice every small good thing there is. They are thankful for it and it shows. It’s so genuine — just like how innocent children smile. I’ve never seen anyone in my age group with that smile. 

It’s like a domino, or a virus but it’s a great thing (oh how I wish, this virus spread faster than cancer & hate). If you share that smile to somebody else, that person most probably be smiling back too and somewhat feel happy about it — just because you smiled at him/her.

We know how life can be dragging sometimes because of our responsibilities — most especially because we need to make money in order to pay bills. I don’t want to live my life wasting time trying to pay bills. I don’t have enough time to bond with my family because we keep on working. We are not rich and we are still not stable financially. I don’t want money to be a hindrance to live my life. 

I told myself that I wanna write songs, perform and sell records worldwide. I want to be an international singer-songwriter. That was my dream. Tonight, papa God reminded me of who I truly am as a person. I care a lot about people and it hurts me if they are down and/or treated badly. I want to make people happy. I want to put smiles on people’s faces and not just because of my jokes but because of how I show appreciation for them. I want to have more time to live my life and to make it worthwhile. I want to be someone’s reason why they are smiling.

Can we try to spread some good vibes today? Put on that smile on your face & tell someone you appreciate and love them! Have a great day ahead!

LOVE — There’s Nothing You Can Do About It.

Regardless on how it started, who is it with, who you are hurting in the process — it is still LOVE and there is nothing you can do about it.

Have you been cheated on? Did your ex fell in love with his new girlfriend when he was still with you? Did you ever fall in love with someone who is married? 

It sucks right? 

Is it stupid? Is it wrong? Fuck yeah and it hurts!

But that doesn’t mean that what they have isn’t love. That doesn’t mean that what you had isn’t true. We just got to accept the fact that that love is not for us anymore (cause sometimes timing is just a bitch). You can never dicate what’s right and what’s wrong when you talk about love. It is just how it is –regardless who you are with, who you hurt, how you started and ended it.

With all these Brad and Angelina split with Jennifer Anniston memes on the internet, I can’t help but put my thoughts into this. I would have rejoiced if my ex was cheated by his new girlfriend but the thing is it would only make me feel better for a while and I would not even be the better person for feeling happy about it.

Love really has its mysteriouly ridiculous ways. Stupid enough to make us addicted to the feeling and we just need to accept that fact.

Burning Bridges; Putting Down Walls

It’s hard when you have invested a lot of time and emotion to people but in the end, still lost. We tend to put up higher and stronger walls around us so nobody can hurt us anymore. We have burnt bridges to avoid that feeling.

I have burnt a lot of bridges and it gets easier as time goes by. I don’t even know if it’s a good thing or not. Part of me is afraid that I may have guarded my heart so much that I don’t allow myself to feel anymore.

I just wish that when the time comes and we are all tired and afraid to get hurt, we’ll meet new ones who will invest all their efforts just to break those walls — just like what we did for the people who have left us — may be even better.

What’s your decade of music?

I remember myself sitting (sometimes lying) on the couch and listening to different albums of my favorite bands and artists. I can last for hours doing nothing but that. And when I say lasting for hours, it’s probably listening to the same album on repeat.

So why am I mentioning it? Cause hell yeah I’m doing exactly the same thing right now! I opened my spotify and made a playlist of all the songs from my high school days. Started with Natie Imbruglia’s Torn, added Jennifer Love-Hewitt’s BareNaked, and a whole lot more! I even made different categories for the whole decade 2000-2010. There were a lot on the list and I haven’t done the 90’s yet. Don’t even get me started with my boyband playlist. Hihi

It feels soooo goooood! I don’t know why I’m happy about it but it’s my jam. It kinda set me in the mood and suddenly all my problems were flushed down the toilet. 

You know how everybody has their own decade of favorite songs? I thought that applies only to old people. Or maybe it’s just me getting old? Lol Never the less, I therefore conclude that I can relate and I have a theory!!!
I think maybe our favorite songs are usually from our childhood because  we remember those times when we were so careless and we don’t need to think about anything else. We were just plain having fun. Maybe some parts of us are longing for those times and it left us a mark through those specific songs. Who knows maybe we can remember those memories through smell or even food! 

We like how it feels and we’ll keep playing those songs to keep that feeling alive again.

The World Didn’t Fuck You

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I just saw this post on facebook and people keep on sharing it.

I don’t want to UNFUCK MYSELF because the world didn’t fuck me.

To boost our self-esteem, sometimes we are used to blaming everyone else. What did the world ever do to you? We keep on blaming other people for our mistakes, bashing others for unresolved problems, etc. Aren’t you tired?

See we build our own monsters. THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL AS IT IS. Why see it the other way around? WE WERE MADE BY THE IMAGE AND LIKENESS OF OUR FATHER AND THAT IS (FUCKING) BEAUTIFUL. Why do we keep on looking for mistakes and imperfections?

It’s a matter of how we see things. Don’t let it eat the good parts of you. Even if the world was really fucked up and you think you were fucked by the craziness of this world…

1. You are not miserable.
2. You are not a failure.
3. Nobody can steal your light away from you.

Nobody can fuck you unless you let them to. I hope you will always remember that.

Words Are Useless

Your words are useless without actions. It’s like a powdered juice without water. You can’t drink powder.

Showing off kindness on social networking sites is totally different from doing the actual thing. People would find it hard to follow what you lead if you don’t do what you preach. Changing the world is actually changing yourself first before broadcasting it. In fact, why do you need to broadcast it anyway?

Why don’t you remove your mask?

Look, we all wear masks… everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much, we forget who we really are. And sometimes if we’re lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really wanna be, who we should be.

– Nikita, Season 1

Why do we wear masks? Do we need to hide who we are? Is it because everyone is wearing them too? Are we afraid to show them what we are capable of? What do we fear? Why do we need to fit in? Why do we need to stand out? Why do we need other people’s approval?

Why do we have to pretend that we don’t want to take the masks off? Don’t we like to know each other and look through each other’s eyes? Don’t we all want to be who we are without judgement?

Who the hell invented those masks in the first place?

This post may be a bit weird. But nah. I like asking a lot of questions. I think I made sense. What do you think of masks?

A Hole In My Chest

June 21, 2015, Sunday – Father’s day. This was by far the most difficult day for me go online. I think unconsciously as this day came, I was waiting for it. Maybe because I don’t know how it would feel like. I don’t know what this day would be like.

My dad isn’t here anymore. This is the first time we celebrated father’s day without him. I don’t remember him missing any important occasion. HE IS ALWAYS THERE. From birthdays, to graduations, first communions, confirmations and even gigs.

I, to tell you honestly, don’t know what to say. I effin miss him so bad. Our family used to be like magnets. We can’t be separated from each other. We go to church together, both of our parents drive us to school, we shop together, my dad is even the one who tells us to go to the salon and get a hot oil with mani and pedi package. We even go to a convenience store together just to buy a midnight snack. I miss him so bad.

I miss us eating to different restaurants and going to movies. I miss our vacations. We would go on a road trip just to eat and eat again. My dad used to let me go with him when he watches gigs even if I’m was just around 5 years old. I miss playing with him. I miss how he teaches me old school music over and over again. I miss laughing and fool around with him. I miss talking to him about politics and random issues in our society. I miss him being selfish and sometimes self-centered. I miss him being a show-off and mayabang. I miss him being a liar and being the one who can’t accept his mistakes most of the time. I miss how he keeps on eating food that isn’t allowed to him. I miss everything my dad is. I can’t say it enough because my heart keeps on breaking everytimes it comes to my mind that he won’t coming back.

Everytime someone I love passes away, I always feel like our time together was too short even if we spent a lot together. It always feels like it wasn’t enough. But everytime I do think of this, the other thoughts came to mind — how about my half siblings? I have a half brother and a half sister. How often did they spend their time with my dad? Was he ever present on their birthdays? How about their graduations? I doubt that my dad was there every Christmas and New Year. How about my half sister’s debut? Was she able to dance with my dad like I did?

We were lucky to have him almost 24/7 in our lives. He’s so overprotective that sometimes I felt that if he could still be with us during our bad dreams, he will still be there. My siblings weren’t able to spend most of their time with my dad.

What more to those who were raised by single moms out there. To those kids who grew up without their fathers. More so to the kids who haven’t met their fathers at all.

When my dad died, I felt like something is missing – a big hole in my chest that I don’t know how to fill. I couldn’t imagine what others might me going through. I could avoid browsing facebook and instagram all day and not see posts about how my friends celebrated today’s occassion with their fathers. But who am I kidding? It will always be like this. I have no choice but to accept the fact that my dad is gone. I have to face a lot of new memories without him. BUT A lot of kids weren’t able to spend Father’s day at all. Why should I brag and complain? This may take time. Hoping that it wouldn’t take that long.

I miss you daddy. To my hero and my first boyfriend, Happy father’s day in heaven! Flying kisses from your baby girl. :-* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!