Burning Bridges; Putting Down Walls

It’s hard when you have invested a lot of time and emotion to people but in the end, still lost. We tend to put up higher and stronger walls around us so nobody can hurt us anymore. We have burnt bridges to avoid that feeling.

I have burnt a lot of bridges and it gets easier as time goes by. I don’t even know if it’s a good thing or not. Part of me is afraid that I may have guarded my heart so much that I don’t allow myself to feel anymore.

I just wish that when the time comes and we are all tired and afraid to get hurt, we’ll meet new ones who will invest all their efforts just to break those walls — just like what we did for the people who have left us — may be even better.

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What’s your decade of music?

I remember myself sitting (sometimes lying) on the couch and listening to different albums of my favorite bands and artists. I can last for hours doing nothing but that. And when I say lasting for hours, it’s probably listening to the same album on repeat.

So why am I mentioning it? Cause hell yeah I’m doing exactly the same thing right now! I opened my spotify and made a playlist of all the songs from my high school days. Started with Natie Imbruglia’s Torn, added Jennifer Love-Hewitt’s BareNaked, and a whole lot more! I even made different categories for the whole decade 2000-2010. There were a lot on the list and I haven’t done the 90’s yet. Don’t even get me started with my boyband playlist. Hihi

It feels soooo goooood! I don’t know why I’m happy about it but it’s my jam. It kinda set me in the mood and suddenly all my problems were flushed down the toilet. 

You know how everybody has their own decade of favorite songs? I thought that applies only to old people. Or maybe it’s just me getting old? Lol Never the less, I therefore conclude that I can relate and I have a theory!!!
I think maybe our favorite songs are usually from our childhood because  we remember those times when we were so careless and we don’t need to think about anything else. We were just plain having fun. Maybe some parts of us are longing for those times and it left us a mark through those specific songs. Who knows maybe we can remember those memories through smell or even food! 

We like how it feels and we’ll keep playing those songs to keep that feeling alive again.

The World Didn’t Fuck You

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I just saw this post on facebook and people keep on sharing it.

I don’t want to UNFUCK MYSELF because the world didn’t fuck me.

To boost our self-esteem, sometimes we are used to blaming everyone else. What did the world ever do to you? We keep on blaming other people for our mistakes, bashing others for unresolved problems, etc. Aren’t you tired?

See we build our own monsters. THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL AS IT IS. Why see it the other way around? WE WERE MADE BY THE IMAGE AND LIKENESS OF OUR FATHER AND THAT IS (FUCKING) BEAUTIFUL. Why do we keep on looking for mistakes and imperfections?

It’s a matter of how we see things. Don’t let it eat the good parts of you. Even if the world was really fucked up and you think you were fucked by the craziness of this world…

1. You are not miserable.
2. You are not a failure.
3. Nobody can steal your light away from you.

Nobody can fuck you unless you let them to. I hope you will always remember that.

Blogging Is A Therapy

There are certain times in our lives that we get so preoccupied (and lost) in our life, problems, responsibilities, jobs and many more that we forget to breathe once in a while.

I think you guys know what I mean. That happened to my 2015. Too many things had happened that I didn’t get enough time for myself to sit back and think about random stuff without any pressure at all. If someone’s going to ask me HOW MY 2015 WAS, I’m just going to answer some experiences and that’s just it. Where was my growth?

Thinking about it, there was a lot. Now, I’m trying to recall and it feels like everything is eating me. Which is which? What did I learn after this and that experience? There were too many that I forgot how it felt like.

Everytime I lose myself with my problems and responsibilities, I take my time and read my previous posts. It’s something to remind me of who I am, what kind of person I am, how I think, and my perspectives in life. I wasn’t able to write for months because I was too preoccupied.

It’s a bit frustrating that I didn’t blog much this year and sorry for that. I wanted to re-read some of my blog posts but there’s nothing much.

Writing and blogging is a therapy for me. It’s an outlet to release feelings, opinions I am not able to tell (or just something I want to share), and reflections in life.

2016 is a few hours away and I’m putting BLOGGING on top of my NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION.

Will be reading blogs again too! I’ve missed everyone! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Words Are Useless

Your words are useless without actions. It’s like a powdered juice without water. You can’t drink powder.

Showing off kindness on social networking sites is totally different from doing the actual thing. People would find it hard to follow what you lead if you don’t do what you preach. Changing the world is actually changing yourself first before broadcasting it. In fact, why do you need to broadcast it anyway?

Why don’t you remove your mask?

Look, we all wear masks… everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much, we forget who we really are. And sometimes if we’re lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really wanna be, who we should be.

– Nikita, Season 1

Why do we wear masks? Do we need to hide who we are? Is it because everyone is wearing them too? Are we afraid to show them what we are capable of? What do we fear? Why do we need to fit in? Why do we need to stand out? Why do we need other people’s approval?

Why do we have to pretend that we don’t want to take the masks off? Don’t we like to know each other and look through each other’s eyes? Don’t we all want to be who we are without judgement?

Who the hell invented those masks in the first place?

This post may be a bit weird. But nah. I like asking a lot of questions. I think I made sense. What do you think of masks?

Makes Me Feel Alive

It’s been a long time since I felt something deep. I’m not saying I have feelings for someone right now. Don’t get me wrong. But lately, after all the things that had happened, I finally started feeling again. Feeling in a sense that romantic movies can move me again, I started writing songs again – made a few parts only but then again, at least I started. Right?

This is so unusual for me. I don’t know if that’s the exact word but mmm.. let’s just say I aleady forgot what it feels like. To be loved and to get hurt by someone you love. I guess I both like the feeling in a sense that it’s deep and it makes me strong and weak at the same time. It makes me feel I am human.

I was watching season 2 of Gossip Girl (yeah, so not me haha). That episode where Dan and Serena were in an elevator and finally decided to end things even if they still have feelings for each other? Yeah, that made my heart melt. It hurts and I like how it feels.

Maybe because I’m an artist? I am a musician and a self-proclaimed songwriter. I like it when I feel. I like the way I can let it out through my writing. I like the way I write even if it’s on other people’s point of view.

The small and big things around me, passing through, staying and leaving, hurting me, making me shout for joy… whatever it is I like it. I am in love with life. From what can make you to what can break you down. I like the way I feel. It makes me feel alive.