I’m Falling In Love On How People Fall In Love… With Music.

It’s so indulging. I am in a sort of magnet that draws me closer to those people. I find it inspiring how they fall in love with something and finds a way to live with it every single day.

I’m a late bloomer. I learned a lot of instruments when I was young but never had I learned of music I wanted to play and listen to. It was always my dad saying PLAY THIS. PLAY THAT. THIS IS GOOD. THAT SONG IS BETTER. I believed him. I don’t blame him. It was my choice.

But then it was when I stopped studying (Conservatory) that I started being exposed to music that I really wanted to listen to. I search for bands, artists to artists, songs after songs and it was endless pattern. I liked it. No, loved it.

I like watching live performances, going to gigs, singing along with the crowd, staring and figuring out bass lines, getting into falling for ad libs and drum beats. Every performance is different from another, may it be frome a single artist or different bands. I like seeing through them that they love what they do and they are happy about it. Those people getting along just for the love of music… no pressure!

I’ve met a few of them and believe me when I say, they are effin awesome and surprisingly humble. Most don’t care about popularity which is only limited to wanting people to connect with their music. Some would go to gigs without talent fee because they just want to play/sing. Some would practice so late at night even after dragging pressure at work just so they could make music. They don’t care who’s who, which band is better, or that guitarist studied at the conservatory — equal.

I falling in love with the idea. And I know for a fact that I am making compositions just so that I can write one but to spread it to the world. In time, I’ll find that place where I get to be on stage again and not just be one with the crowd.

Here’s a video of my band playing one of our original songs (I’m the vocalist; wrote the lyrics and melody).

DARK ROOM (ORIGINAL) BY RIDDLE ME THIS

It’s just a bit sad that finding bandmantes is like finding the love of your lifr. You just have to put a lot of things into consideration… and it’s a commitment.

BUT EVERYTHING, I PROMISE, SOON.

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Eunice’s Heart

One of the great things you can ever witness in this life is people’s passion. Seeing one perfome live with all her heart and see how much she enjoys it can move a a thousand.

Recently, I discovered this local OPM rock band named Gracenote. I don’t watch tv nor listen to the radio. Apparently, they’re famous here in the Philippines and I don’t know them. Well, that’s me. I most prolly prefer the indie scene soul, techno, jazz, dream pop, etc. They sound more like a combination of Paramore, Yellowcard, No Doubt and Sum 41 combined. But here they are scattered all over youtube and I can’t stop watching their videos especially their vocalist, Eunice Jorge.

Eunice also plays the violin, guitar, piano and drums. She’s no poser. I swear I would know. She’s really great. She plays classical and so as rock. She reminds me of who I might have become if I am not taking too much responsibility at home and in our music school. If I had made time for what I want and search for inspirations just anywhere in town… I could’ve been singing or playing my heart out just they she does it now. The way she sings, it’s so energetic. You can see how much she enjoys every inch of music around her — may it be their compo, a cover or even classical.

She’s taking me back to the conservatory I guess. For all the reasons I left and never want to come back, she’s flipping it back. She’s making me think that they are a lot of possible things which I didn’t see and I never thought I could see anymore. I hated school. I got turned off with classical music and the peoplr around it because of what I experienced. It was so hard for me to even listen to it more so play it. I turned my back to everything related to classical.

But there she is with her band, all studied classical music (I think) and I can feel their passion even with simply hearing them. No limitations, no judgements of different genres. They are open to everything and they enjoy every sense of music in here possible.

I can’t stop listening to them. I can’t stop watching their videos on youtube. It makes me idle for a while but it keeps me thinking WHAT’S THIS FOR? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I know I don’t need to make a decision on wether or not I’ll go back to the conservatory but I want what they do or maybe I just want to enjoy music as they do — no complications and just for the love of it. I still want to continue writing compositions and I still want my band to play more gigs.

It’s the heart. That’s where you can see right through every person. That’s where you’ll see there passion and we can never be blinded by it but only INSPIRED.

But thank you, whatever it that you do, your passion it hit me hard (in a good way of course), thank you Eunice! Thank you Gracenote!

The Silly Thinking Of Me

I suddenly have this urge to play the guitar again. I missed it. After 2 or 3 years of running away from it, I miss it and I miss it so bad. It’s like a drug that I haven’t gotten in a while and it’s right here in front of me. It’s just the feels – more like I am longing for it and I want to be one with it.

I was so afraid. I played the classical guitar when I was at the conservatory. I fell in love with it – so with the people around it. Life there was practice, practice, practice then perform… repeat all throughout the school year. But things changed and it suddenly became a bad memory.

I have this fear that I brought everywhere I go. I can’t even get my guitar out of my case, more so playing it. Cause when I do, flashbacks hit me like nuclear canons, bombs, guns, knives that strike directly to my heart… and I feel the pain all over again. It sounds so melodramatic. Well, don’t judge because it hit me big time.

Through my escape, I tried lots of different stuff. But to tell frankly, I can getaway far enough from music. So first, I composed (bad memories can be a great source for original compositions). Second, I found myself composing and singing with a band – which I didn’t have for a long time. Third, I indulged myself and tried ukulele but don’t get me wrong, I met a lot of great people in an awesome community but sometimes I look for something deeper. Lastly, I tried going back to theater. It did brought me joyous moments and gave me a fresh start – awesome new found friends and mentors. In between those steps, I keep handling and teaching our music school. Yes, that’s the moving on me.

But lately, I find myself longing for it. Playing and practicing for hours, days and restless nights. My fingers long for the numbness and hardness of the callouses on my left hand. On my rifght, the long finger nails that is carefully shapes by a sand paper. I miss the addictive way of analyzing pieces and overthinking how it should be played. I miss criticizing every tone I make.

I miss it so bad but I think I still can’t go back. It’s weird that what I do now is play and play the guitar. I keep on arranging songs and make it an instrumental – close enough that I can get to classical music.

Will I ever go back? Can I ever handle going back? Because once I do, I think I am risking myself to be screwed all over again and my heart says enough and my heart wants more of it. Half of a half? A quarter of a half? I don’t know who wins the battle against this silly thinking of me.

Troubled (Original Composition)

Stanza 1:

I dont have a heart that can feel anymore

And I dont even need you to love me once more

I’ve been hurt, I’ve been troubled for so long

I dont need much of your time anymore

And I dont even need to ask for more

Cause I’ve been hurt, I’ve been troubled for so long

Chorus:

When I think of the day, the 1st time

We held each others hands,

we will never let go

But when I think of the day, the last time

We held each others hands,

we will never let go

And I was scared and I’m still scared

Cause I’ve been down, I’ve been troubled for so long

Stanza 2:

I dont need your reasons anymore

And I dont even need an explanation

Cause I’ve been hurt, I’ve been troubled for so long

Bridge:

Tell me why, why should I give in one more tine

Tell me why should I not give up this time

Tell me why, tell me why

Cause I’ve been hurt, I’ve been broken for so long