Blogging Is A Therapy

There are certain times in our lives that we get so preoccupied (and lost) in our life, problems, responsibilities, jobs and many more that we forget to breathe once in a while.

I think you guys know what I mean. That happened to my 2015. Too many things had happened that I didn’t get enough time for myself to sit back and think about random stuff without any pressure at all. If someone’s going to ask me HOW MY 2015 WAS, I’m just going to answer some experiences and that’s just it. Where was my growth?

Thinking about it, there was a lot. Now, I’m trying to recall and it feels like everything is eating me. Which is which? What did I learn after this and that experience? There were too many that I forgot how it felt like.

Everytime I lose myself with my problems and responsibilities, I take my time and read my previous posts. It’s something to remind me of who I am, what kind of person I am, how I think, and my perspectives in life. I wasn’t able to write for months because I was too preoccupied.

It’s a bit frustrating that I didn’t blog much this year and sorry for that. I wanted to re-read some of my blog posts but there’s nothing much.

Writing and blogging is a therapy for me. It’s an outlet to release feelings, opinions I am not able to tell (or just something I want to share), and reflections in life.

2016 is a few hours away and I’m putting BLOGGING on top of my NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION.

Will be reading blogs again too! I’ve missed everyone! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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A Hole In My Chest

June 21, 2015, Sunday – Father’s day. This was by far the most difficult day for me go online. I think unconsciously as this day came, I was waiting for it. Maybe because I don’t know how it would feel like. I don’t know what this day would be like.

My dad isn’t here anymore. This is the first time we celebrated father’s day without him. I don’t remember him missing any important occasion. HE IS ALWAYS THERE. From birthdays, to graduations, first communions, confirmations and even gigs.

I, to tell you honestly, don’t know what to say. I effin miss him so bad. Our family used to be like magnets. We can’t be separated from each other. We go to church together, both of our parents drive us to school, we shop together, my dad is even the one who tells us to go to the salon and get a hot oil with mani and pedi package. We even go to a convenience store together just to buy a midnight snack. I miss him so bad.

I miss us eating to different restaurants and going to movies. I miss our vacations. We would go on a road trip just to eat and eat again. My dad used to let me go with him when he watches gigs even if I’m was just around 5 years old. I miss playing with him. I miss how he teaches me old school music over and over again. I miss laughing and fool around with him. I miss talking to him about politics and random issues in our society. I miss him being selfish and sometimes self-centered. I miss him being a show-off and mayabang. I miss him being a liar and being the one who can’t accept his mistakes most of the time. I miss how he keeps on eating food that isn’t allowed to him. I miss everything my dad is. I can’t say it enough because my heart keeps on breaking everytimes it comes to my mind that he won’t coming back.

Everytime someone I love passes away, I always feel like our time together was too short even if we spent a lot together. It always feels like it wasn’t enough. But everytime I do think of this, the other thoughts came to mind — how about my half siblings? I have a half brother and a half sister. How often did they spend their time with my dad? Was he ever present on their birthdays? How about their graduations? I doubt that my dad was there every Christmas and New Year. How about my half sister’s debut? Was she able to dance with my dad like I did?

We were lucky to have him almost 24/7 in our lives. He’s so overprotective that sometimes I felt that if he could still be with us during our bad dreams, he will still be there. My siblings weren’t able to spend most of their time with my dad.

What more to those who were raised by single moms out there. To those kids who grew up without their fathers. More so to the kids who haven’t met their fathers at all.

When my dad died, I felt like something is missing – a big hole in my chest that I don’t know how to fill. I couldn’t imagine what others might me going through. I could avoid browsing facebook and instagram all day and not see posts about how my friends celebrated today’s occassion with their fathers. But who am I kidding? It will always be like this. I have no choice but to accept the fact that my dad is gone. I have to face a lot of new memories without him. BUT A lot of kids weren’t able to spend Father’s day at all. Why should I brag and complain? This may take time. Hoping that it wouldn’t take that long.

I miss you daddy. To my hero and my first boyfriend, Happy father’s day in heaven! Flying kisses from your baby girl. :-* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

How Do I Write Again?

Is it really possible that we constantly change? I mean we adapt to different situations but somehow it struck us one way or the other, right?

This I question because somehow I felt that I changed… well I think I do. Sometimes I feel like I am the better me, sometimes I am lost. I haven’t written or posted anything for months except the entry before this. I think I forgot to write. I don’t know what to write. There was a point in my life that there’s just too many thoughts, reflections and realizations everyday. And it just pops out of my head to a point that I needed to write it right away cause I might forget.

Now, I don’t know what to write about. I wanted to blog again but I don’t want to tell a story about my day cause it’s boring. I don’t want to brag about my problems cause it’s not healthy and I’m handling it anyway. I wanted to write about my recent experience on working with a film company here in the Philippines, got to meet movie actors but nah… I wanted to find those random thoughts I used to write about, wisdom I get from every problem, Reflections and positive outlook in life but where is it now?

Have I changed? Or was I just pre occupied? I wanted that part of myself back. I love those posts and I still want to inspire a lot of readers. How cab I be inspired? What do I do?

Hello 2015! :)

Oh dear blog, I know you missed me so. I am really sorry for leaving you for months now. But anyway, hey hey hey! I missed you and my readers too! 😉

It’s 2015 and I made a lot of promises that I should keep. Say hello to my New Year’s Resolution:

1. Always make time for myself. I know I’ve been preoccupied with a lot of responsibilities with my family and work but I will not let that happen again. May it be on a coffee getaway for a few hours or a movie marathon, let it be. And this time, I’ll make it a habit that I will make time for myself at least a few hours a week.

2. Always make time for my passion – MUSIC and songwriting. No matter what happens, I will not leave my music behind. I will not be too occupied with teaching to a point that I can’t write songs anymore. My goal for the year is to record at least 3 original songs and release at least 1 of them.

3. BALANCED TIME for family and friends. It’s not that it wasn’t balanced last year. I’ll make it to a point that I get to always have a family time and a time for my different group of friends.

4. BUSINESS. To establish a stable business enough to sustain me and my family.

5. BLOG. I’ve been so busy at the last quarter of 2014 that I can’t even post 3 sentences on my blog. That was so unhealthy for me. Blogging is an outlet for me and it keeps me sane. It helps me reflect on the things I do, my goals, and all the other possible stuff I can think of. I promise to make a blog entry at least once a month.

6. FAITH. To always pray the rosary. Make it a habit to go to mass regularly every sundays. Pray the rosary every night and make time to visit the church on ordinary days.

7. DREAMS. Build bigger dreams and reach for it.

It’s mostly about time. I’ll try my best to achieve my goals. The first few weeks of 2015 taught me that I can dream better. I know it’s good to be contented but what if we can have more that what we think of, why not aim for it right?

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 🙂

I’m 8766 days old and counting.

It’s the 2nd anniversary of my other blog but I guess I’m not really used to people reading it. Well, at least not by those people I really know. Anyway, enough it. I’m blogging again and no one’s stopping me! Lol.

I’m 8766 days old and still counting. I guess I was “uninspired” by the famous “#100days”. May it be 100 days of grace, thankfulness, devotion, good deeds or whatsoever… it shouldn’t be just 100 days right? We can’t just be thankful for 100 days and stop on the 101st. And why start now? Why not go back since the day you started to realize your brain is actually working and thinking at the same time, right?

So here’s mine. I’m 24 years old and I’m approximately 8766 days old or 8825 days to be exact. I’m thankful for what I have and at the same time, thankful for what I don’t have. I believe in my heart. My heart doesn’t lie, my heart can’t be fooled, my heart does what’s good and so can you.