Makes Me Feel Alive

It’s been a long time since I felt something deep. I’m not saying I have feelings for someone right now. Don’t get me wrong. But lately, after all the things that had happened, I finally started feeling again. Feeling in a sense that romantic movies can move me again, I started writing songs again – made a few parts only but then again, at least I started. Right?

This is so unusual for me. I don’t know if that’s the exact word but mmm.. let’s just say I aleady forgot what it feels like. To be loved and to get hurt by someone you love. I guess I both like the feeling in a sense that it’s deep and it makes me strong and weak at the same time. It makes me feel I am human.

I was watching season 2 of Gossip Girl (yeah, so not me haha). That episode where Dan and Serena were in an elevator and finally decided to end things even if they still have feelings for each other? Yeah, that made my heart melt. It hurts and I like how it feels.

Maybe because I’m an artist? I am a musician and a self-proclaimed songwriter. I like it when I feel. I like the way I can let it out through my writing. I like the way I write even if it’s on other people’s point of view.

The small and big things around me, passing through, staying and leaving, hurting me, making me shout for joy… whatever it is I like it. I am in love with life. From what can make you to what can break you down. I like the way I feel. It makes me feel alive.

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Loving (Original Composition)

Stanza 1:
What would happen if we both care?
We steer the wheel to chances
And break through faith with despair

What would happen if we both love?
We are over faking smiles and
Dodging glances at each other

Chorus:
We are in it for a reason
We can’t get out of it for a reason
Let’s not get our hopes up
Cause we’re never getting out
Of this two-way street of falling
Compelled desperately of loving

Stanza 2:
One way or the other
We’d like an escape
From this emotional suicide
Of humanity and we’re hurt

But one way or the other
We’d like to be stuck to each other
Hands chained with letters
Of admiration and we are fine

Bridge:
Love is traitor holding us back
But love is a creator of what we live for
Love is a chance of forgetting weakness
And we can all be screwed up but only to love

I’m supposed to do work stuff today but instead I got lazy enough to watch a marathon of vampire diaries. Quite distracted and inspired in one scene, paused it for a while and made this poem and turned it into a song. Not done yet, made a melody for the chorus part (on bold).

This is about falling inlove – a trap that we can’t ever handle and we never knew. It is what we want and don’t want at the same time and we don’t actually have a choice. Sometimes we love enough but if we get hurt, we want to turn off the feelings and only think of ourselves.. just so the pain will go away. It’s pushing and pulling of nature.

I got inspired with the series. I was watching season 3 when Elena was almost giving in that she also wanted Damon.