Push

Overfatigue. Cancelled all my classes this afternoon. Feels like I’m always reasoning out but things keep on coming. I’m so tired about everything but I don’t want those things to be reasons for me to give up. My battery is low, my brain is in a chaos, my body needs more than 2 hours of sleep and my tummy needs more than 1 regular meal a day. I’m desperate for prayers. If you are reading this post, please take a minute or two to pray for me and my family. We really need it. Thankful for all my friends who’s always there for me. You know who you guys are. Just like you to know how blessed I am to have you around. Thankful for all our students patient enough to bare with a lot of changes in our school. You’re one of the reasons why I keep on pushing. Thank you! I promise not to quit. #st

Advertisement

Somebody (Original Composition)

Wake up Mr. Sun
Bring me some light
Bring me some space

It’s been so long
Since I’ve heard it cry
And the rain would not stop,
Would not stop crying

I need somebody,
Somebody help me please
Oh, I’m stranded in my room,
Catching for my breath,
I need some air

I need somebody,
Somebody help me please
Get me out of here,
Somewhere safe and dry
I need sunlight

Somebody, get me some help
I’ve been stranded in my room
Waiting for someone
To save me from this rain

I need somebody,
Somebody help me please
Get me out of this cold cold place
Keep me safe and dry

written August 22, 2013

Maya’s Turn: I Think I Lost Her

I found this on my old blog. This may be over a year ago but I love going back to blog entries I have written because it helps me know more about myself — how and why I am like this, how I think, how I build my dreams now. It also helps me learn things over and over again just to make sure I really did learn those things. Haha! Here it goes…

I never knew that she walked out on me until recently I find myself looking for her. I keep on finding her every other time because somehow and somewhere in my mind, part of me knew she existed. It wasn’t a dream. There goes flashbacks right in front of me. Scenes so vague and beautiful, so light and cheerful, contented and no longingness for something. I know her and I know she was there, she existed.

Have you ever had that feeling of being lost? I think I lost myself more than three years now. This is not the typical story of being lost – finding yourself, what you really want, etc. Not that one. I’m considering that maybe I didn’t lose myself. Probably, forgotten was the better word for that. Yes, forgotten.

I forgot who I am. I forgot what it is like to be me. I saw my plurk account yesterday. It was so random. I have nothing to do. So I searched for my older accounts. I saw my old blogs, my friendster, my myspace, my multiply. I was totally different, I think? From my old blogs, the way I think and see things – it was almost the same now but somehow I am sure I am wiser. Maybe it was with HOW I deal with stuff. How I am a happy-go-lucky-thankful-blessed-fun girl who talks to anyone and friends with everyone. Everything was real and true. Everything was light.  Myself, my environment, the people around me, the responsibilities and work I am taking. Somehow, I missed that girl in me. I don’t know where did she go. I think I lost her.

Maybe because I lost myself in giving everything to the ones important to me, to the one I love, to her specifically. That when you love, you have given everything you can give and everything that you can’t. It is when I realized that I had lived her life in her world and not mine. It is when I made friends with her friends and not find my own sets of friends. It was when I pressured myself to dream her dream and not mine. I tried to fit myself when I shouldn’t even tried in the first place. It was then I forgot who I was. And that was too much. I didn’t even realize it until the day I was left alone.

I miss her – that girl who used to be me. I don’t know where to start but I want her back so badly. I don’t know how to pick myself up. And I want to go to the ways things were before everything had happened or at least to who I was before everything fell apart.

 

Farewell Today

Farewell Today
Of Loneliness and Sorrows
Leave me for Tomorrow

Farewell Today
For I’ll wake up to meet the sun
Tomorrow til the next days after

Farewell Today
I hope to not spend time with you
Just not over and over again

A day like this, I can’t ever miss
Happiness that I wished was longing not to resist
Pains and complications of Todays and Yesterdays
Come not tomorrow but maybe some other day

Farewell Today,
Tuck me in tonight because all I can say is goodbye

Farewell Today,
Til I’m ready to face you with courage and fear nowhere to be seen

A day like this, all I want is to resist
Loneliness that I wished never to exist
Pains and complications of Todays and Yesterdays
Come not tomorrow but maybe some other day