Are You Foolish?

Let’s see how this works… How do you know if someone is a fool? At what point would you consider yourself foolish? Are their really foolish things to do? Or is it just foolish because somebody told you it is?

LOVE. It’s that 4-letter word again. La-la-la-love. Are we really fools out of love? Or we just can’t accept its magic on us? If you love someone who doesn’t and will not ever love you back, is that foolish or is it selfless love? If you stopped and ruined a wedding ceremony because you know he can’t be with her, is it foolishness or is it courage that seeks you within?

What if we just hate to admit how deep we can go and instead blame it to foolishness in this world? What are we afraid of? Why is it that it feels like that foolishness is more acceptable than being screwed up in love? Why is it even labeled as being screwed if we give in to it?

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I’m back to my 50 % straight self. Yes, gay that is.

Just so everyone knows, I’d like to announce that I am bisexual. I like boys and at the same time I like girls too. The things is… I don’t like it. I want to be straight – it’s a looooong story.

So it has been almost 2 years since my last relationship (a girl) and ever since then, love life isn’t my priority. For that time, I felt that I am 90% already. Ha! Ha! I had real guy crushes but had unavoidable girl crush last year. I got over it – yes, the girl part. It was just a phase and I am back to really liking guys as in like “like”.

Last saturday, I went home 70-80% straight. Is it weird that I measure my straightness? Lol! So what, who cares? Hahaha! What happened? – that’s the question. 

Incident #1: I was kissed by a friend (girl). Well, not lips to lips… just on the cheek. I felt weird about it because it was just out of the blue. We were not saying hello or goodbye. We were having a light and fun conversation. I was joking around because I waited for her for 3 hours.  She was saying sorry and suddenly kissed me. I acted like nothing happenee and continued fooling around.

Incident #2: While we were waiting for the train, still having that light conversation and fun fooling around, she tried to hold my hand – as in the one with interlocking fingers. It didn’t last long cause I was really distracted. I think I looked at our hands and she felt conscious or shy about it?

I don’t know. Right now, I am really confused because I was having this super duper tiny crush on her and I like that we were getting close. I got really confused on what she did because I know she is straight… though I sensed it the first time we met (I don’t have a crush on her at then) that she has tedencies and my gay and lesbian friends said that themselves too.

I was aking myself the questions like Are there girls that are just too clingy, touchy, and expressive to that extent? Do some girls really kiss other girls on the cheek for no reason or as a regular expression and without intention?  And if she knows that I am bisexual, shy whould she do that? Does she know that maybe I would think of it differently?

Seriously guys, if you have answers to my questions, please feel free to do so cause I can’t stop thinking about her since that day. I don’t want to expect anything and seriously, I am really avoiding myself to like girls. So there, I am almost going back to my 50 % straight self.