Make Me A Daughter

I can’t. I just can’t. All these FATHER’S DAY greetings — cheesiness all over facebook all thanking their fathers for being selfless, hardworking, an inspiration and everything. I can’t take it. It’s hard for me to even greet my dad. Ugh. Same with my mom on mother’s day.

Hay… 😦 Am I bad person if I don’t feel like greeting them at all? No. I am not thankful. But no, I am. I know I am. I know some parts of me still thinks so. But they aren’t my inspiration. It’s been years now and I try hard enough not to be like them.

Because I wanna be great. I want to be a better person than them. I want to be the right decision they didn’t take. I don’t want to make the same mistakes they did. No, I don’t like how unsecure I feel because I am the one who worries about what are we going to eat tomorrow. No, I don’t like to be too dependent on my children when I become a mom in the future. NO. I want to be a good one — an inspiration, a good example, a bad-ass in my career which I can make money enough not to worry about tomorrow.

So I just can’t. I can’t thank them now because there’s nothing to be thankful for. I am not a bitch I promise. I am just too tired living an inverted life — me being the parent and them being my children.

I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for them. I know I am thankful for them. But I can’t fake what I feel. I am just too hurt and sometimes… no all the time I mean. I want to feel like a daughter. I want to have an allowance everyday. I want to be pampered with gadgets and all that shizz. No I don’t want to buy our ref, washing machine, etc.

So I am sorry mom and dad but I love you and you know that and I can’t talk to you and be open anymore because you’re too childish on how you react and you make me feel that you don’t want to understand. I just want us to be stable. I want to build my own dreams now. I am turning 25 and I want to go back to school and finish it. I want to make time for my dreams and my career. I want to build a relationship and have my own family. But I can’t because you are holding me back. I know people would say that I have a choice to let this go but I am choosing not to because I love you. Please make me a daughter and that’s who I am but I don’t feel like it. 😦


No Mother Is A Whore

I guess this would be my post for Mother’s day — a break from all the greetings and something to think about even just for a tiny bit.

In tagalog, the most popular and harsh (?) bad word for me is “PUTANG INA MO” which means “YOU’RE MOTHER IS A WHORE” but I think is the closest to “MOTHER FUCKER”.

I don’t use bad words because of this. I don’t think people are aware of the meanings of what they say. And if yes, I think at about 70% of them don’t really mean what they say. Some are just used to saying it. I asked around about 3 years ago, WHY DO PEOPLE NEED TO SAY BAD WORDS? Most them answered that WORDS ARE JUST ENOUGH. I don’t think so. We have tons of words in the dictionary. If we were just be more educated at patient enough, we won’t be needing any of it.

They say that words hurt people. Yes. I do believe that. Sometimes it’s more painful that a physical pain. It cuts deep and goes straight to our hearts without so much effort but only to speak. If we could only speak kind words, less people will be hurt on an day-to-day basis. No stress from bosses at work. No son or daughter is insecure because their parents didn’t scold them. No street children would hate their life more because no one said that life is a “shit”.

Another thing is that those words reflects directly to our mothers. Do you think any mom is a whore? Who do you think would love a child more than a mother? Would their be any more patient and more understanding than a mother? Who would you think are the sweetest and loving persons in the world?

FUCK. FUCK THAT WORD. That word shouldn’t exist at all. It covers up the true meaning of what it is — making love. It’s not a game and it’s not an entertainment. It’s for two people in love showing their affection. See. If people would still believe that it’s still making love, nobody will be referred to as a whore. And to think that FUCKER is in a statement next to MOTHER, can we be any more mean?

No woman is a whore. And definitely no mother is a whore.