Makes Me Feel Alive

It’s been a long time since I felt something deep. I’m not saying I have feelings for someone right now. Don’t get me wrong. But lately, after all the things that had happened, I finally started feeling again. Feeling in a sense that romantic movies can move me again, I started writing songs again – made a few parts only but then again, at least I started. Right?

This is so unusual for me. I don’t know if that’s the exact word but mmm.. let’s just say I aleady forgot what it feels like. To be loved and to get hurt by someone you love. I guess I both like the feeling in a sense that it’s deep and it makes me strong and weak at the same time. It makes me feel I am human.

I was watching season 2 of Gossip Girl (yeah, so not me haha). That episode where Dan and Serena were in an elevator and finally decided to end things even if they still have feelings for each other? Yeah, that made my heart melt. It hurts and I like how it feels.

Maybe because I’m an artist? I am a musician and a self-proclaimed songwriter. I like it when I feel. I like the way I can let it out through my writing. I like the way I write even if it’s on other people’s point of view.

The small and big things around me, passing through, staying and leaving, hurting me, making me shout for joy… whatever it is I like it. I am in love with life. From what can make you to what can break you down. I like the way I feel. It makes me feel alive.

It’s Easier To Like What We Don’t Have

It’s easier to like what we don’t have.

I don’t like to generalize but I just realized this. A few years ago I was so pre-occupied with work and taking care of my family. I was working day and night to pay bills especially my dad’s medication. I was longing for my time. I keep on pushing myself to work harder because I know in the end, it pays off. There goes my time. My time to reach my dreams.

I don’t know how I did it but I wrote and composed a lot of songs in a span of 3 years. Well, the first year was because my ex broke up with me. But I was busy for the last 2 years. I don’t even know what or who my inspiration was. I just hold on to the thought that i need to make time for myself. No matter how short it was, I need to sing, play and write music. I won’t let anything get in the way. I won’t let our family problems stop me from making music. So I did.

Since my dad passed away, I hate to admit it, but our life was better and lighter. I don’t need to work too much because we have lesser bills to pay. I have a lot of time in the world. I have more than enough. I haven’t written anything since then. Blank. Everything is blank.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s just the thrill and the excitement? Cause I can’t have it back then, I was motivated to reach my dreams. Come to think of it, everything is falling in to their places. All I need to do is to take a step forward and yet I’m not doing it. No hindrance at all. I wonder why.

Do you think it’s the same with relationships? How come we always here issues regarding third parties? Are people just bored? So they just prefer excitement once in a while? What’s this thing that they say about guys? Like they like girls better when they’re hard to get? Well, I think that goes to the girls also. Who would want an easy to get? Mmm.

RISING

I am proud of how I keep on pulling myself back up everytime I fall down.

Oh, you wouldn’t want to trade your position to mine. If you just know the story of my life, you probably wonder how do I get by each day. You’ll probably wonder why the hell I still laugh, joke about a lot of stuff, appreciate small things, finish work & errands, go out and have fun at the same time. There’s just a lot of factors pulling and breaking me down, a lot of reasons to give up and too many things I can leave behind. But that’s not my focus here. I’m not just boosting my self esteem but I am really really proud how I keep on pulling myself back up when I fall down. Some stay down. Some look for inspirations.

Some depend on others and wait for them to pull them up. AREN’T THEY WASTING TIME? Why would you indulge in staying on the ground with your problems? No matter what it is, THERE IS ALWAYS A SOLUTION. If you don’t like the situation, CHANGE IT. The decision is always up to you, DO IT. What if we can’t find inspirations? The question is, do we really need to? If we keep on depending our motivation and decision from others, we tend to be frustrated and sad if they don’t do what is expected. PEOPLE WILL NOT ALWAYS BE AROUND. Some stay, some go. INSPIRE YOURSELF. It’s only a matter of how you think and see things. If you get frustrated with people around you, still… be inspired. Be the person they are not. BE BETTER. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, KEEP ON GOING.

You wouldn’t believe how strong you will become. You’ll be surprised to where you can possibly be.   It’s a bit of a cliche but it’s true, I’ve witnessed this a couple of times and I am proud of who I am. I feel so gateful for everything that had happened and blessed for everyone I met, who left and stayed.

How Do I Write Again?

Is it really possible that we constantly change? I mean we adapt to different situations but somehow it struck us one way or the other, right?

This I question because somehow I felt that I changed… well I think I do. Sometimes I feel like I am the better me, sometimes I am lost. I haven’t written or posted anything for months except the entry before this. I think I forgot to write. I don’t know what to write. There was a point in my life that there’s just too many thoughts, reflections and realizations everyday. And it just pops out of my head to a point that I needed to write it right away cause I might forget.

Now, I don’t know what to write about. I wanted to blog again but I don’t want to tell a story about my day cause it’s boring. I don’t want to brag about my problems cause it’s not healthy and I’m handling it anyway. I wanted to write about my recent experience on working with a film company here in the Philippines, got to meet movie actors but nah… I wanted to find those random thoughts I used to write about, wisdom I get from every problem, Reflections and positive outlook in life but where is it now?

Have I changed? Or was I just pre occupied? I wanted that part of myself back. I love those posts and I still want to inspire a lot of readers. How cab I be inspired? What do I do?

8 Things A Man Can’t Do

I wanted to write for a while now. I wanted to bring back my positive vibes in this blog yet I can’t since I have so much drama in my life recently. I’ve decided, why not some random thought rather than a reflection? Less words can make sense after all. So here is a list of 8 impossible things of which I think a man can’t do:

1. One can never be right all the time.
We make mistakes. We would all be fools if we can’t even see that.

2. One can never know everything.
There are a lot of nerds and geniuses out there who would probably say they know all the facts in their chosen field. But what about the other field? How about skills per se? Also, intelligence isn’t always enough. We need wisdom to back us up. But how do we measure wisdom after all? Would we able to know who is the wisest?

3. One can never always be happy neither does one can never be always sad.
Time. There is a time for everything and feelings are temporary. What we feel today may probably be gone tomorrow.

4. One can never will all the time neither does one can never always lose.
We can’t. Winning isn’t about winning the battle but learning is. Learning is what we gain either if we win or lose. If we keep on winning all the time, then what did we gain… just the title and a little more pride? Life isn’t a contest in the first place and hell no, the world isn’t a battlefield.

4. It is impossible for a person to had never told a single lie in his/her entire life.
Admit it. We lied even the whitest lies they can ever be. Actually, this may be famous to a scenario in which you’re feeling bad, hurt or  depressed and somebody asks if you’re ok and you simply say I’M OK which you know you’re not.

5. One can never always have what he/she wants.
That’s just the way it is. But the main problem is that people always want what they don’t have. Some part of us keep being uncontented on our subconscious minds.

6. One can never find peace without forgiveness.
We can’t let go of something if we keep on holding on to it –just like anger. If we keep being mad at a person or a situation, where is our peace there? We’re always gonna be troubled by that same anger. Forgive and take the poison out of your system may it be anger, hurt, envy and all those eating the good inside you.

7. It is impossible for a person to love without respect.
You just can’t. Love comes with a package and that package has a lot of demands along with it — faith, trust, respect, and so much more than what you can think of right now.

8. One can never win if cheating is his/her process in achieving so.
Cheating is cheating. You can copy someone’s work but in the end, we all know that you may gain all the credit but you gained nothing else. You may possibly know the answer but you don’t know HOW’s and WHY’s behind it.