Music Hits Us

I was browsing through my Facebook feed a while a go and saw an old video of John Mayer’s live acoustic performance of “Your Body is a Wonderland”. Nothing much to expect. It was just a random old song released when I was in high school – but it left me feeling comfort. It was  a nice feeling that I haven’t felt for a while now.

Your Body is a Wonderland (Acoustic Live Performance) by John Mayer

It left me realizing and pondering on a few things.

First, most of us like the songs better when we were younger. It’s not that music nowadays are less appealing to the ears but it’s probably because we linger to our innocent and less stressful stage – hence, our youth and/or childhood. When we listen to the old songs, consciously and unconsciously, we are probably reminded of how things were easier and carefree.

Second made me ponder how music is related to a person’s growth. Notice that every album of an artist or band slightly changes every new release. When you compare the 1st and the 5th album, sometimes it’s hard to tell that they are the same artist or band. Just like John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland from his album Room for Squares (which is my favorite album by the way lol), sounds totally different from his latest release entitled New Light. Artists and bands adapt to the evolution of music which is clinging to techno most of the time. Paramore does not sound rock anymore, right?

This made me think how I (most of the time) love only the first 2 albums of a band. This also made me compare it to people. Do we only like them when we first met them? Do we only like a few months of them? Once they grow into a whole new character, do we grow into loving them?

Little things and little thoughts made me post again. It feels nice to write here again as if I am on my way back to where I started. Hope you can join me here as I try to be back on track this year! Happy new year, everyone! We’ll make this year ours! 🙂

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What’s your decade of music?

I remember myself sitting (sometimes lying) on the couch and listening to different albums of my favorite bands and artists. I can last for hours doing nothing but that. And when I say lasting for hours, it’s probably listening to the same album on repeat.

So why am I mentioning it? Cause hell yeah I’m doing exactly the same thing right now! I opened my spotify and made a playlist of all the songs from my high school days. Started with Natie Imbruglia’s Torn, added Jennifer Love-Hewitt’s BareNaked, and a whole lot more! I even made different categories for the whole decade 2000-2010. There were a lot on the list and I haven’t done the 90’s yet. Don’t even get me started with my boyband playlist. Hihi

It feels soooo goooood! I don’t know why I’m happy about it but it’s my jam. It kinda set me in the mood and suddenly all my problems were flushed down the toilet. 

You know how everybody has their own decade of favorite songs? I thought that applies only to old people. Or maybe it’s just me getting old? Lol Never the less, I therefore conclude that I can relate and I have a theory!!!
I think maybe our favorite songs are usually from our childhood because  we remember those times when we were so careless and we don’t need to think about anything else. We were just plain having fun. Maybe some parts of us are longing for those times and it left us a mark through those specific songs. Who knows maybe we can remember those memories through smell or even food! 

We like how it feels and we’ll keep playing those songs to keep that feeling alive again.

Letting Go & Moving On

My dad passed away a week ago. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to say nor write. I could’ve written a song even without words. Just the perfect melody to release even just a bit of the pain I am feeling. I don’t know how I feel. I know I’m hurt. I should be. But I mostly feel blank. Nothing. Maybe I don’t want to feel.

I don’t know how to cope with this. I don’t know how to move on with this. I don’t even know how to escape this. Everytime I think about it I feel a big hole in my heart. This is far worse from a broken heart. Thinking about it, I think I could’ve handled ten times more  regular heartbreaks.

This make me sick. I just want to lay down, sleep and let my bed eat me. I tried catching up with a few episodes of some series and guess what, even vampire diaries reminded me of my father’s death. They tell me to go out of town and pamper myself… I just couldn’t do it. I feel that it would be more of an escape. I want to go through it but I feel that my heart rejects the feeling because this is too much.

I can go back to work anytime and stress my self out on a full load again but I have no drive. I realized that my father was the reason my I keep on pushing. Just to pay his medicines, oxygen tanks, herbal supplements and hospitalization. Now I keep on asking WHY. Why do I still need to push myself with work? I can pay my bills without pushing too much. This is stupid. I keep on asking but I know I have the answers. I need to. I still need to push because I want everything for my mom and my sister. I just feel blank.

Songwriting may be a distraction. I started asking a couple of my friends to form a band with me. Maybe I just need to perform or whatever. Hope that works.

To my readers, whatever your religion is , please pray for me. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like this stage I’m going through. I don’t want an escape. If you have been reading my posts, you know that this isn’t my thing. I’m very optimistic and I know I am a fighter. Please pray for my sister and my mom too. We need this badly.

Hot or Cold?

If you scroll down, you would see one of my previous posts entitled A BUCKET OF RAIN which is a blog entry about me longing for a rainy weather because summer is too damn hot. But now I wanted to rant about the rain.

Here in the Philippines, June to November is the rainy season. Uhm, No. STORMY SEASON. We usually have more than a dozen storms a year leaving so manu damages. Floods everywhere, tress fell down, flying roofs, no electricity, no water and the minimum death toll is approxumately 10. Now, why would I want that?

I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes we can never be contented. If it’s hot, we want it cold and vice versa. And this isn’t only about the weather. More often than not, we long for and focus more on what we don’t have. It’s sad to know this but at the same time, it’s a struggle to be contented all the time. Right?

The Truth About Forgiveness

The truth about forgiveness is that if you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean the following:

1. that they are sorry.
2. that they won’t do it again.
3. that they’ll be better than before.

The thing is that we have to live with that. We can’t control everyone and definitely can’t dictate others what to do cause they have their own lives to live and own decisions to make.

We forgive because it’s the right thing to do. We forgive to make peace with somebody and find peace with ourselves. We forgive so that we could let go and move on. If we hold grudges then we will always be stuck on the same page.

When Normal Isn’t Right And Right Isn’t Normal

RIGHT. adj. being in accordance to what is just, good or proper.

NORMAL. adj. 1) according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule or principle 2) conforming to a type, standard or pattern.

Nowadays, people misconstrue the meaning of RIGHT with NORMAL. When people reason out things by saying that it’s normal, that doesn’t mean it’s right. How can you say that a man having an affair with another woman is just normal when if it’s the other way around, people will just take it the hard way? How can Filipinos stubbornly pee on walls on the street and they actually care less because it’s just normal? And why do these people getaway with it just because they say it’s normal?

Normal isn’t always right. Does right have a different meaning today compared to the 19th century? I think it’s still the same. When it’s right, it’s right. When it’s wrong, DUDE.. GROW UP.

***I got this from my old blog. This is one of my favorite entries and I can’t resist sharing this here.

Talking To Strangers

I am that person who talks to random strangers I meet in my every day — sales ladies, another customer of the store I am in and cab drivers most especially. I don’t do small talks. I don’t believe in such. I talk to them because I wanted to talk to them and not just because I need to. If I ask them about how their day was, I am interested to know about it — not fake it.

I talk to strangers especially cab drivers. I spend at least a quarter of my day with them and at least an eighth of their day with me. Might as well, waste it right? I just love the fact that I have someone to talk to. I go to different places a day, back and fort, and I can’t keep thinking about work during my travel time. I guess it’s the same thing to them. Probably, a bit more boring than mine because they spend their time on the road more like (well, really) a responsibility and not for leisure.

Talking. It’s a release of whatever emotions or just anything you have inside you. Like for me, if I keep thinking of my to-do list during my me-time, I would blow up like a nuclear bomb. So, I talk to people. Random ones.

Friends can’t always be there physically for you. We all have our own whereabouts and we can’t commit to everything at the same time.

Having a conversation to a lot of strangers are really healthy. Well at least, for me. Talking to them is like having an unlimited access to a wide range of experiences, opinions and advice. You ought to learn different perspectives on life, family, friends, love, work, school, music and a whole lot more.

It’s not just really about the talking but also the listening part. Isn’t nice to know that someone listens to small things that happened to you during your day? The greatest part is, this conversation happens in both ways — in full attention or not, you gained a new thought, noticed a different point of view and learned a new dimension in some itsy bitsy parts of life.

I Don’t Wanna Be Ordinary… Nor Special.

Today, I realized that I don’t wanna be ordinary… nor special. Is it weird for me to think that way? I really don’t know how to explain it. When I was younger (maybe 10 years younger), I wanted to be an icon – an actress, a singer, a musician, a painter or just someone famous. Apart from me being talkative and really out going, I have no problem with people at all… singing, playing, talking, acting on stage is nothing and I love being on stage, no nervous breakdowns or anything similar, I wanted to make a difference – jeez it’s lame and this is overused already. Let me put it this way, I have this thing called perception in life. And my theory is that if only people look at life the way I do, things would be simple, easy and beautiful. But at that time, if I try to say anything about “it” and open words or realizations and reflections, I would be super duper uncool. That is why I wanted to be famous. I wanted to establish a name and/or a reputation so that I wouldn’t be judge. Silly, am I right?

But after all I’ve been through, problems in my family, relationships, friends, school, career, work and everything else in between, I don’t want to dream the same dream. Now, I think that I’d like to work behind curtains and cameras in life. I know most of us wanted the spotlight, it’s a good feeling but I think it’s far too complicated and my life has been a mess and there are a lot of consequences that comes with it. I am longing for simple and care free life. Though we can’t avoid problems along the way, I couldn’t care less at all. I realized that I love living backstage at life. I am a family kind of person whatever I dream of, I dream for them. I never had a dream (the usual one, like I want to be a doctor someday stuff). I was and always be contented just as long as my family is safe, healthy, happy and we can eat three times a day… that’s that. Today, I realized that whatever it is I dreamed of doing, I keep coming back to that simple thing and I am always joyful and contented with that. Other than that, I’d like to make a big money so that I can go volunteer and provide on charities and different foundations… or maybe start one. I like it the way it is.

I don’t want to be cool. I don’t want to fit in. I don’t want to stand out. I don’t wanna be ordinary. I don’t wanna be special. I want to be in somebody’s (a family, a friend, a lover or anyone) life, never leave and make sure I love more than anyone could possibly do.