LOVE — There’s Nothing You Can Do About It.

Regardless on how it started, who is it with, who you are hurting in the process — it is still LOVE and there is nothing you can do about it.

Have you been cheated on? Did your ex fell in love with his new girlfriend when he was still with you? Did you ever fall in love with someone who is married? 

It sucks right? 

Is it stupid? Is it wrong? Fuck yeah and it hurts!

But that doesn’t mean that what they have isn’t love. That doesn’t mean that what you had isn’t true. We just got to accept the fact that that love is not for us anymore (cause sometimes timing is just a bitch). You can never dicate what’s right and what’s wrong when you talk about love. It is just how it is –regardless who you are with, who you hurt, how you started and ended it.

With all these Brad and Angelina split with Jennifer Anniston memes on the internet, I can’t help but put my thoughts into this. I would have rejoiced if my ex was cheated by his new girlfriend but the thing is it would only make me feel better for a while and I would not even be the better person for feeling happy about it.

Love really has its mysteriouly ridiculous ways. Stupid enough to make us addicted to the feeling and we just need to accept that fact.

Burning Bridges; Putting Down Walls

It’s hard when you have invested a lot of time and emotion to people but in the end, still lost. We tend to put up higher and stronger walls around us so nobody can hurt us anymore. We have burnt bridges to avoid that feeling.

I have burnt a lot of bridges and it gets easier as time goes by. I don’t even know if it’s a good thing or not. Part of me is afraid that I may have guarded my heart so much that I don’t allow myself to feel anymore.

I just wish that when the time comes and we are all tired and afraid to get hurt, we’ll meet new ones who will invest all their efforts just to break those walls — just like what we did for the people who have left us — may be even better.

Why don’t you remove your mask?

Look, we all wear masks… everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much, we forget who we really are. And sometimes if we’re lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really wanna be, who we should be.

– Nikita, Season 1

Why do we wear masks? Do we need to hide who we are? Is it because everyone is wearing them too? Are we afraid to show them what we are capable of? What do we fear? Why do we need to fit in? Why do we need to stand out? Why do we need other people’s approval?

Why do we have to pretend that we don’t want to take the masks off? Don’t we like to know each other and look through each other’s eyes? Don’t we all want to be who we are without judgement?

Who the hell invented those masks in the first place?

This post may be a bit weird. But nah. I like asking a lot of questions. I think I made sense. What do you think of masks?

Makes Me Feel Alive

It’s been a long time since I felt something deep. I’m not saying I have feelings for someone right now. Don’t get me wrong. But lately, after all the things that had happened, I finally started feeling again. Feeling in a sense that romantic movies can move me again, I started writing songs again – made a few parts only but then again, at least I started. Right?

This is so unusual for me. I don’t know if that’s the exact word but mmm.. let’s just say I aleady forgot what it feels like. To be loved and to get hurt by someone you love. I guess I both like the feeling in a sense that it’s deep and it makes me strong and weak at the same time. It makes me feel I am human.

I was watching season 2 of Gossip Girl (yeah, so not me haha). That episode where Dan and Serena were in an elevator and finally decided to end things even if they still have feelings for each other? Yeah, that made my heart melt. It hurts and I like how it feels.

Maybe because I’m an artist? I am a musician and a self-proclaimed songwriter. I like it when I feel. I like the way I can let it out through my writing. I like the way I write even if it’s on other people’s point of view.

The small and big things around me, passing through, staying and leaving, hurting me, making me shout for joy… whatever it is I like it. I am in love with life. From what can make you to what can break you down. I like the way I feel. It makes me feel alive.

A Hole In My Chest

June 21, 2015, Sunday – Father’s day. This was by far the most difficult day for me go online. I think unconsciously as this day came, I was waiting for it. Maybe because I don’t know how it would feel like. I don’t know what this day would be like.

My dad isn’t here anymore. This is the first time we celebrated father’s day without him. I don’t remember him missing any important occasion. HE IS ALWAYS THERE. From birthdays, to graduations, first communions, confirmations and even gigs.

I, to tell you honestly, don’t know what to say. I effin miss him so bad. Our family used to be like magnets. We can’t be separated from each other. We go to church together, both of our parents drive us to school, we shop together, my dad is even the one who tells us to go to the salon and get a hot oil with mani and pedi package. We even go to a convenience store together just to buy a midnight snack. I miss him so bad.

I miss us eating to different restaurants and going to movies. I miss our vacations. We would go on a road trip just to eat and eat again. My dad used to let me go with him when he watches gigs even if I’m was just around 5 years old. I miss playing with him. I miss how he teaches me old school music over and over again. I miss laughing and fool around with him. I miss talking to him about politics and random issues in our society. I miss him being selfish and sometimes self-centered. I miss him being a show-off and mayabang. I miss him being a liar and being the one who can’t accept his mistakes most of the time. I miss how he keeps on eating food that isn’t allowed to him. I miss everything my dad is. I can’t say it enough because my heart keeps on breaking everytimes it comes to my mind that he won’t coming back.

Everytime someone I love passes away, I always feel like our time together was too short even if we spent a lot together. It always feels like it wasn’t enough. But everytime I do think of this, the other thoughts came to mind — how about my half siblings? I have a half brother and a half sister. How often did they spend their time with my dad? Was he ever present on their birthdays? How about their graduations? I doubt that my dad was there every Christmas and New Year. How about my half sister’s debut? Was she able to dance with my dad like I did?

We were lucky to have him almost 24/7 in our lives. He’s so overprotective that sometimes I felt that if he could still be with us during our bad dreams, he will still be there. My siblings weren’t able to spend most of their time with my dad.

What more to those who were raised by single moms out there. To those kids who grew up without their fathers. More so to the kids who haven’t met their fathers at all.

When my dad died, I felt like something is missing – a big hole in my chest that I don’t know how to fill. I couldn’t imagine what others might me going through. I could avoid browsing facebook and instagram all day and not see posts about how my friends celebrated today’s occassion with their fathers. But who am I kidding? It will always be like this. I have no choice but to accept the fact that my dad is gone. I have to face a lot of new memories without him. BUT A lot of kids weren’t able to spend Father’s day at all. Why should I brag and complain? This may take time. Hoping that it wouldn’t take that long.

I miss you daddy. To my hero and my first boyfriend, Happy father’s day in heaven! Flying kisses from your baby girl. :-* I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Make Use Of What You Have

I don’t understand why people aren’t always contented. They always want more. They always want what isn’t there. Well, sometimes it isn’t that bad. Wanting something you don’t have leads you to making your goals and building dreams. But some people… ugh. Some people!

Some people can’t function without the thing that they don’t have. Like for example, you have a typical guitar and you’re too lazy to practice because it would be so much better if you could play with a high end expensive guitar. WHAT KIND OF THINKING IS THAT? How can you improve your skills now? You just sit there and wait for a Martin guitar to fall from thr sky before you can practice? See what I mean?

Another one, if you’re fixing your stuff, organizing papers and you can’t finish just because it would be better if there is a filing cabinet. So there… all your papers scattered unorganized just because there’s no filing cabinet. Ugh. But you can still segregate them, put them into a pile at some part of the room.

Seriously, I met people like these. Those are just a few examples. Those are very bad examples on how to live your life. We can’t have everything. WE CAN’T ALWAYS HAVE WHAT WE WANT BUT WE CAN WORK FOR IT. If you want that expensive guitar, work for it. You have to earn it. Practice hare. You may never know, maybe someone will discover your talent and even sponsor a better guitar.

There’s something better in stored for us in this life but we can’t have them if we don’t work for it. You are in a specific situation because you need to. And if you don’t like where you are, make use of what you have and build better dreams with it.

Loving (Original)

–because it’s Valentine’s day. Lol.

Stanza 1:
What would happen if we both care?
We steer the wheel to chances
And break through faith with despair

What would happen if we both love?
We are over faking smiles and
Dodging glances at each other

Refrain:
We are in it for a reason
We can’t get out of it for a reason
Let’s not get our hopes up
Cause we’re never getting out

Chorus:
Of this two-way street of falling
Compelled desperately of loving, loving you

Stanza 2:
One way or the other
We’d like an escape
From this emotional suicide
Of humanity and we’re hurt

But one way or the other
We’d like to be stuck to each other
Hands chained with letters
Of admiration and we are fine

Bridge:
Love is traitor holding us back
But love is a creator of what we live for
Love is a chance of forgetting weakness
And we can all be screwed up but only to love