Troubled (Original Composition)

Stanza 1:

I dont have a heart that can feel anymore

And I dont even need you to love me once more

I’ve been hurt, I’ve been troubled for so long

I dont need much of your time anymore

And I dont even need to ask for more

Cause I’ve been hurt, I’ve been troubled for so long

Chorus:

When I think of the day, the 1st time

We held each others hands,

we will never let go

But when I think of the day, the last time

We held each others hands,

we will never let go

And I was scared and I’m still scared

Cause I’ve been down, I’ve been troubled for so long

Stanza 2:

I dont need your reasons anymore

And I dont even need an explanation

Cause I’ve been hurt, I’ve been troubled for so long

Bridge:

Tell me why, why should I give in one more tine

Tell me why should I not give up this time

Tell me why, tell me why

Cause I’ve been hurt, I’ve been broken for so long

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I Don’t Wanna Be Ordinary… Nor Special.

Today, I realized that I don’t wanna be ordinary… nor special. Is it weird for me to think that way? I really don’t know how to explain it. When I was younger (maybe 10 years younger), I wanted to be an icon – an actress, a singer, a musician, a painter or just someone famous. Apart from me being talkative and really out going, I have no problem with people at all… singing, playing, talking, acting on stage is nothing and I love being on stage, no nervous breakdowns or anything similar, I wanted to make a difference – jeez it’s lame and this is overused already. Let me put it this way, I have this thing called perception in life. And my theory is that if only people look at life the way I do, things would be simple, easy and beautiful. But at that time, if I try to say anything about “it” and open words or realizations and reflections, I would be super duper uncool. That is why I wanted to be famous. I wanted to establish a name and/or a reputation so that I wouldn’t be judge. Silly, am I right?

But after all I’ve been through, problems in my family, relationships, friends, school, career, work and everything else in between, I don’t want to dream the same dream. Now, I think that I’d like to work behind curtains and cameras in life. I know most of us wanted the spotlight, it’s a good feeling but I think it’s far too complicated and my life has been a mess and there are a lot of consequences that comes with it. I am longing for simple and care free life. Though we can’t avoid problems along the way, I couldn’t care less at all. I realized that I love living backstage at life. I am a family kind of person whatever I dream of, I dream for them. I never had a dream (the usual one, like I want to be a doctor someday stuff). I was and always be contented just as long as my family is safe, healthy, happy and we can eat three times a day… that’s that. Today, I realized that whatever it is I dreamed of doing, I keep coming back to that simple thing and I am always joyful and contented with that. Other than that, I’d like to make a big money so that I can go volunteer and provide on charities and different foundations… or maybe start one. I like it the way it is.

I don’t want to be cool. I don’t want to fit in. I don’t want to stand out. I don’t wanna be ordinary. I don’t wanna be special. I want to be in somebody’s (a family, a friend, a lover or anyone) life, never leave and make sure I love more than anyone could possibly do.