Inspirations That I Don’t Want To Be

If someone would ask me to name my  inspirations, I can’t. I don’t know why but I have no one. I don’t have a role model to look up to. Is that weird? Well, mmm. When it comes to musicians, I can name a few but it would still be not up to the point that I like everything about them and everything they do. It would be just limited to their music, compositions and how they play or sing. Other than that, none. When it comes to values, none.

You know what I do? I actually have a list (well not really written) of people that I don’t want to be. It would really sound mean but I do have them. I keep in my mind the attidudes, mistakes and decisions that I don’t ever wanna make.   If I know someone who is so selfish and takes so much pride, I’d rather be selfless and be humble. If that someone can’t even clean a room, I would prolly be too well to be organized.

I don’t want to be who they are because I can. I am not saying that their full of sh** and they don’t do any good. It’s just that I can focus more on their mistakes and what it has done to them and try not to make the same ones because I know that I can do better if I wanted to.

It’s like in my teaching career, being a guitar/violin/ukulele/drums teacher, I want to be a role model to all my class. I would never ever say bad words in front (never did to anyone) of them because I don’t want them to have a bad mouth. I know someone who speaks and I don’t to be like him especially when in class.

I want to be if not the best, to be good enough for my students. I want them learn everything I know. I’d like to teach them the reason behind everything in theories. I’d like to teach them how it’s properly done. I’d like to teach them what they want to learn. Most of my students enrolled for the lesson because they want to… I want to be the reason why they want to keep playing, learning and love music. I want to answer every question they have in mind. I’d like to make connections with them. I want to be sensitive enough to their needs. I would love to give my full attention. I want them to not be fully dependent on me. I want them to grow. I want them to treat every kind of music, from classical to pop to rnb to rock, equally and with respect.

I want all those things because I never had that kind of teacher in music. When I first had my guitar lesson, I learned nothing for 24 sessions but 2 songs. I don’t know how to play anything else. When I got to conservatory, almost everyone is all about discipline and less fun. They tend to insult pop music and treat classical genre a god. I don’t know but I think I stopped loving music when I got there. It was more like I was inside a box with them saying DO THIS NOT THAT.

I guess when I feel frustrated about something or someone, I realize that I never want to be that frustration or so I can say I will stop the chain of that negative vibe and convert it to a positive one. If I’ve experienced a bad learning environment, I’ll make a better one. I love my students and they keep me going. I got lots of frustrations to people but that is my inspiration. I try to be the best that I can be. I try not to give away same bad experiences I had.

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