Inspirations That I Don’t Want To Be

If someone would ask me to name my  inspirations, I can’t. I don’t know why but I have no one. I don’t have a role model to look up to. Is that weird? Well, mmm. When it comes to musicians, I can name a few but it would still be not up to the point that I like everything about them and everything they do. It would be just limited to their music, compositions and how they play or sing. Other than that, none. When it comes to values, none.

You know what I do? I actually have a list (well not really written) of people that I don’t want to be. It would really sound mean but I do have them. I keep in my mind the attidudes, mistakes and decisions that I don’t ever wanna make.   If I know someone who is so selfish and takes so much pride, I’d rather be selfless and be humble. If that someone can’t even clean a room, I would prolly be too well to be organized.

I don’t want to be who they are because I can. I am not saying that their full of sh** and they don’t do any good. It’s just that I can focus more on their mistakes and what it has done to them and try not to make the same ones because I know that I can do better if I wanted to.

It’s like in my teaching career, being a guitar/violin/ukulele/drums teacher, I want to be a role model to all my class. I would never ever say bad words in front (never did to anyone) of them because I don’t want them to have a bad mouth. I know someone who speaks and I don’t to be like him especially when in class.

I want to be if not the best, to be good enough for my students. I want them learn everything I know. I’d like to teach them the reason behind everything in theories. I’d like to teach them how it’s properly done. I’d like to teach them what they want to learn. Most of my students enrolled for the lesson because they want to… I want to be the reason why they want to keep playing, learning and love music. I want to answer every question they have in mind. I’d like to make connections with them. I want to be sensitive enough to their needs. I would love to give my full attention. I want them to not be fully dependent on me. I want them to grow. I want them to treat every kind of music, from classical to pop to rnb to rock, equally and with respect.

I want all those things because I never had that kind of teacher in music. When I first had my guitar lesson, I learned nothing for 24 sessions but 2 songs. I don’t know how to play anything else. When I got to conservatory, almost everyone is all about discipline and less fun. They tend to insult pop music and treat classical genre a god. I don’t know but I think I stopped loving music when I got there. It was more like I was inside a box with them saying DO THIS NOT THAT.

I guess when I feel frustrated about something or someone, I realize that I never want to be that frustration or so I can say I will stop the chain of that negative vibe and convert it to a positive one. If I’ve experienced a bad learning environment, I’ll make a better one. I love my students and they keep me going. I got lots of frustrations to people but that is my inspiration. I try to be the best that I can be. I try not to give away same bad experiences I had.

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Every deed, good or bad, is a chain reaction.

I woke up late this morning. I have a student to go to at 10:30. I got a cab at 10:30am. Haha! So… really really late. When I got in the cab, the driver said that he just needs to charge gas before he takes me to my destination. I don’t really have a choice but to let him. It took us 10 minutes to finish. The mom of my student also texted me that she forgot to cancel her son’s violin lesson. My next class would be at 1pm. I have so many time to waste. After that and after passing by 4 to 5 blocks, the engine stopped —- AAAAAAH!!! WHAT A GEAT DAY AHEAD!!!! I’m still so sleepy and I have a marathon of classes. I wasn’t really pissed but I was panicking deep inside. The weather is hot and I don’t want to blame anyone with my stress. So I told the cab driver that I’ll just find another
cab. I paid him php70.

After that, I kinda reflected. I was wondering why I wasn’t hard headed and didn’t get angry with the driver. I realized that it would be useless. I should feel what I felt for him which is pity. If I did got angry with him, we will just fighting for hours and I would have a bad day — and definitely be eating a lot for lunch to get out all the stress. And for him, he might be pissed all throughout the day because his cab is broken, he needs to pay the tow truck, he needs to fix the car and pay for it, it might not be able to be fixed within the day and he might not be able to earn money within the day, he will be pissed because he won’t have anything to give when he gets home to his family, he might be covering up his frustrations with anger and blame everything to his wife. I’m kind of assuming and exaggerating here but who knows?

A fight in the morning can ruin your whole day. I gave him money even if he wasn’t able to take me to my student’s house… it’s the least that I can do. What is php70 right? Who knows what will happen to the rest of his day but maybe he’ll be thankful that I wasn’t pissed at him.

Am I Procrastinating?

Oh, this is one of the questions that I never want to answer but maybe I am. Am I?

I’m currently in this situation that I need to work harder as a musical director (at our music tutorial center) and do some other business which I can get money from. My dad isn’t working, my mom doesn’t have enough income and my sister is graduating. That leads to me providing for my family. Appently being the musical director and an instructor (violin, drums, guitar and ukulele) can’t pay all the bills since my dad had stroke. So I me and my guy bestfriend decided to do a business – a t-shirt business. Oh wait, there’s more. Me and my bandmate decided to make productions and produce gigs for local and foreign artists. So that’s a total of 3 things I need to work on. But under those 3 are branches of list that I need to finish.

As a musical director (I am actually acting as the overall director), I do the marketing, meetings to clients and business partners. I do the teaching – I make the curriculum, modules and lesson plans. I study, arrange and write the students need to play and usually this is for quartets, ensembles and ensembles. I also do the financing and computing of all the money in and out. And even the posters and flyers – I design and edit them. Oh, and I handle all the networking sites of the school. Yes, I am superwoman.

For the t-shirt business, I need to canvass a lot of stuff – from different wholesalers of shirts to machines. I need to study costing and make designs!!!

For the production – this is actually exciting!!! Hihi. I’m good with handling events. I think I’m that person who likes everything organized much more if I am the one in charge. So I have no problem with this but…. same as the t-shirt business, we still need to do canvass the perfect venues, talk to artists and technicians and all other stuff like that.

So where’s the procrastinating part? I know there’s a long to-do list on my paper but I slept the whole day. Scratch that. Not whole day. But I sang and played. I even started to make the music of my original composition (see previous post). Maybe I was really so tired for the past months since my dad got sick. I’m really longing for a break but then I still can’t because if I stop, no one can pay the bills. Or I know what I want to do, it’s I just can’t… for now.

Failures and Yehey’s

I achieved a lot today. Mmm. Well after I woke up late, I did a super duper ninja moves and speed-like-flash moves. Yes, that’s right, I’m awesome like that. Ha! Ha! I was actually late in everything that I scheduled today.

Fail # 1: There was supposedly a play that we are going to watch at 10 in the morning but I woke up at 9:59am. Since the play would last for 2 hours, I tried to catch it and ended up at least watching it. Not bad, eh?

Fail # 2: I scheduled a band practice for my students at 3pm and I have to pick them up somewhere at 2:30pm. I’m right on schedule cause the play ended pass 12nn. But my friend had to take her exam and I need to pay her for the tickets. Let’s keep this a secret… I think I have an super duper tiny gay crush on her. So I waited for her but she came at 3pm already. And guess what, I was late 1 and a half hours for my class. Zzz. I’m not that bad you know. There band practice was really free of charge. Why am I explaining myself? Hahaha! :))

Regardless of my failures due to my tardiness today, I really had a great time.

Yehey #1: I had lunch with Benjo today – one of my closest friends. He gave me a tour around taft but he ended up surprised because of the new establishments around. We ate isaw! Gosh! I was craving for that in months!

Yehey # 2: Cheska, my friend who’s with me at the play (ex classmate in theater) and was late for me to give her the tickets… had an awesome bonding, chit chat about random stuff. Well of course, we bonded at the train. Her parents are super strict. She bribed me with a stored value ticket for the train. Who does that? Hahaha! I’d go for food!

Yehey # 3: I just loved my students! They were my students since they were in grade 2. Now they’re in high school. I literally watched them grow. My babies are not babies anymore! We talk boys already! They are really talented and I love teaching them. I like that I am the reason why they learned how to play the violin and now they’re playing in a band. I am really so proud of them.

Turns out, I had a great day after all! 🙂