August 13, 2019, Tuesday. Today was the first time in years that I have prayed for what I really need – I want to be happy. For years, I have been praying for the things my family needed. Material ones are on top of my list because we don’t have that much and I was desperate for us to be ok. From time to time, I pray for our health.
This morning was different from all the mornings I’ve had. I mostly don’t witness mornings because I was probably sleeping the whole time (cause I overworked myself until night time). I woke up at 3am and got out of bed at 6am. I wasn’t sleepy. My body was conditioned to work for the day – that was unexpected. As I was preparing for my classes, my head was also clear. I know I have a lot in my mind when I slept and I know I have a lot to worry about today and the coming days but my head was clear. I was at peace – it was again, unexpected.
So I prayed to God, “Papa God, I want to be happy.” That was it. For the first time in so many years, I think this time that was really what I neede. It was short but it meant the whole world to me – it was unexpected. I was used to praying for a lot of things on my list. I enumare it. I add my reasons too. But this morning was just one sentence and I felt so relieved about it. I felt the pain in my chest released and I feel light. I was at ease.
Never had I imagined that what supposed to be what I wanted was really what I needed. I kept on asking for material things – money & have more clients to pay our bills and to have food on our table. I forgot that my happiness is important too. I was important too. Never had I imagined that in order for me to fulfill my duties and responsibilities at home and provide for my family, I need to be happy first. God wanted the best for me and I was asking for those silly things. All these years, He wanted me to be happy but I kept myself in the dark. I was lost in my own worries. God loved me more than I loved myself. I couldn’t be more thankful for that.
I hope that today, everyone who reads this blog entry will feel as light, at ease and happy as I am.